Words That Hurt

So Wednesday was my birthday. Should have been a happy day for me. Not that it didn't have it's moments of good drinks,good friends and happy moments. But it did have a cloud over some of it. Me and Country D have not been on the best of terms since the incident at the beg of Jan. I don't trust her and as hard as I try to fight it I don't believe a lot of what she says to me. This has become even worse since this month started. I began to start to ask her questions. Questions that I already knew the answers to because for a week I looked thru her phone. Yes I know this was not the right thing to do. But I felt in order to get the answers I needed to I had to go to extreme measures.She has never been one to tell all her feelings and emotions. Through out our friendship and relationship I have tried to pull things out of her and make her tell me how she feels but she still doesn't.

Anyway so I looked thru her phone and I saw that she had been talking to,the girl that caused all of the confusion between us...Yes I know looking thru the phone is bad. Well I found out that the girl had said somethings about me. And well country D wasn't standing up for me at all. She just so in love,that well. This woman has her wrapped around her finger. So of course we had to have talks. A lot of talks. We talked at the start of my birthday like 12 at night. and then again when we woke up and of course ended my birthday with a talk. Then the talks continued to the next day where we finally got something out of it. I think when you are having a convo like this there needs to be emotion,whether it is crying or just being extra heated about something that was said. But you need to show emotion. Now during this whole ordeal...I just wanted her to be honest and well until I started naming specific things that were said on her phone...she didn't want to man up to anything. I gave her at least five examples that I wanted to discuss including the fact that she had went and seen her once,had been talking to her at all,that i had been talked about and made a fool of. Now if she was talking to anyone else I would not be this upset....



But the fact that this woman is in a relationship is what gets to me. "question" and "answer" were talked about in a previous blog. "answer" is the one that she has been talking to. and "question" is the one I use to be friends with. Now I haven't told her or said anything to her about those two going behind her back. Partly because she wanted to stop talking to both of us a long time ago because she felt that because me and country D where not in a relationship anyone it will cause conflict. She knew her girlfriend had feelings for my ex so she wanted to remove the whole situation. Very understandably so..... So that is my other dilemma I have been dealing with. Whether to tell her or not. I decided later on that day that I wouldn't say anything. It isn't my place. and Like I said in previous blogs. "What's Done in the Dark will come to the light." And there were other things on her phone like the fact she had been talking to my BFF about our living situation and how she felt uncomfortable about certain things. You can tell my best friend that but you can't tell the person that you live with? Our failure to communicate has caused us extra grief in the past and is causing grief now. That is one of the major things that we know we have to work on if we want to salvage our relationship. Only time will tell if this will come true.



So we talked out everything. I told her that how people view her and see her is a reflection of me ,people view you by the people that you associate with. If more people knew how she lied and did things behind my back they would not look at her the same as they do now. She has the good girl image. The one that can do no wrong in anyones eyes. Even some people that do know the whole story between me and Country D would still say that it was something that was just provoked and she is not really this mean bad person. And I agree to a certain degree but I still think that she has changed into a different person then what I once knew. I want the old Country D back.....Not the one that hit me in the mouth for finding her out. Or the one that after being found out a separate time thought of the cheaters feelings over mine. I want the one that laughed at all my goofiness. The one I could tell anything to. The one who would never lie to me and would open up to me. I just want my friend back.