Friend or Foe

it is so hard to let people in to you....you want to build up this wall and block them out even if they aren't bad. i have been blocked a lot in the last couple of months. some people couldn't handle the truth. the truth that I am who I am and you can't change it no matter what you think. a lot of people are going to think that I am wrong for liking girls and well they are entitled to their opinion. but you are suppose to be my friend. my best friend and you won't even talk to me. why?what did i do to you to deserve this?i am the one that has to deal with it not you. you found your love and even though i disapprove of him i never once stopped talking to you because real friends don't do that. i tried to let you in because you say that I can't talk to my old friends and you don't matter. clearly I was the one that didn't matter and I still don't. I wish i could change how I feel, I do. I have never hurt like I hurt now . But the past will make me a stronger person for my future. A future that it seems you won't be a part of.......



I wrote that about a year and a half ago.I had finally came out to my bestfriend and well she didn't take it well. She didn't say she never wanted to talk to me again or anything like that but I could tell it wasnt' the same answer i got from everybody else 'so what'. We stopped talking and textingall the time and it just seemed like life just passed by. During this Christmas we actually finally talked one on one. It was kind of awkward but I am still trying to press forward. This weekend I sent her an email just to see how she was doing and we actually talked. She actually wrote back and updated me on her life. And she really wanted to know about mine. I guess with any relationship it needed time to heal. No we are nowhere near where we were. But it is a start. And I can honestly say I missed my friend. I think a lot of the reason she was mad was because she never had any idea. Most of our other friends kind of laughed at me when I told them. It was like "we already knew" or "it is about time you realized it for yourself". But she really had no idea and we were connected at the hip for so long. But now she knows like everyone else and hopefully we can build and grow from this situation.