Happy New Year Goodbye 08 and Hello 09!

Well another year of my life is about to end and I am blessed to see another one. It seems like this year has gone by super fast. I can't say I am sad to see it go besides the fact that it means I am getting another year older. It has been a hard year for me but I am still so blessed. In 09 my only motto is to go out and get it! And that goes for anything I want to do. No excuses or wasting time this year. More and more of what I need and want. I feel like 08 was my lazy year. The time where I had time to do what I wanted to do as far as not doing nothing. Now it is grind time. I got god with me and he is all I need. So you either riding with me or u getting left behind. In 08 I saw a black president get elected. I saw and have been a part of the first recession of my young time on earth. I mended broken relationships and lost others. All in all thru the highs and the lows I wouldn't change anything. Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!

Spoons ,Taboo and a lot of video games

Well still in Memphis,trip is going well I must admit. I think I have spent a lot of much needed time with my sister and her kids. I spent the whole day with the kids yesterday,going around spending their Christmas money on video games,video games, and more video games. It was fun though I must admit. We went to see J.T. which was fun for my nephew because he got to play games on the PS3. He doesn't have one so it was fun for him. I like to put positive role models in his life and J.T. is definitely one. I wish It could happen more often. oh well. Kicked it with the high school gang last night. We played this game called spoons. It is like magical chairs except with spoons and cards. It was quite entertaining and very intense. Of course we had to play TABOO...and anytime you can get someone to answer for one of the people that the answer is OBAMA it is a good time with laughs lol. But I am having fun to say the least now I have to get some work done. The hustle continues! later days!

Merry Christmas to All!

Hello blogger world. happy Holidays and good cheer. I am in Memphis enjoying the family and I must say that,it has been way better then I expected to be.I have enjoyed so much spending time with my niece and nephew. I don't get to see them much and they are growing so fast! This was the first time I ever really got to see them wake up for Christmas and open their gifts. It was a very holiday experience. You know Christmas isn't the same, when you get older as when you were a kids,unless you get that engagement ring or a big trip or even a car. But I still enjoy the few gifts I get. I am really happy about my OBAMA calender!!!

I miss my boo on so many levels. I wish she could have came with me,but I guess I will be OK for a couple of more days. I am excited about the weekend and my junior high class reunion. Yes I did say junior high lol. We were a close bunch and still are. Going to each others weddings and watching each others kids. It is a joyous occasion. I met my sister's new boyfriend. He is pretty cool and far from the type that she usually dates. Which I don't think it is a bad thing. Sometimes stepping out of the box leads to wonderful things. He is cool and he treats her really well,so he is all right with me. I got to finally meet my cousins fiance. Who ironically is friends with my sisters boyfriend. Small world right? He is cool to. My aunt got electronic monopoly for Christmas and we all sat around and played it. It was one of the few times I felt like a real part of the family. There was no fighting or arguing ,just having fun and enjoying each others time and company. Love was in the air. I still haven't seen my dad yet,which the day is still young ....don't know how that is going to go since I haven't talked to him in months. Oh well, I am not going to let him spoil my day.

I haven't seen any of my friends yet.....doesn't surprise me really. Most times they complain about me not being here and then I don't see them. But hopefully before Sunday I would have spent time with everyone I needed to. I sat with my grandma when I first got here for probably the longest time I have ever in the past 4 years without someone else being there. It actually wasn't that bad. I hope to work on our relationship more. It just bothers me I cant do the things for her that I want to because I don't have the money. Well that is all for now...we are bout to have family dinner.We will see how that goes.

Happy Holidays!!!

The Life and Times of the Jobless...

So I am sitting here doing what I do most days it seems. Check Bank account(still not enough zeros). Check facebook,myspace and downelink(still not enough messages). Spend several hours looking thru jobs and posting and sending my resume(can I please get a interview this time at least?). Going to the post office to mail resumes(doesn't help me more as they say). Being a head doctor thru all of this and not collecting the check to go with it(maybe 4 more years of school wouldn't be so bad?). I never realized the dram that goes on in my friends lives. Thank goodness for non-drama over this way.And of course thinking about life and love as I always do. This is my day in a nut shell. Throw in the occasional night out,birthday party,baby shower(dang everyone I know is having kids,no water for me). And of course my photography(the girl is getting good on photoshop ya'll). And that is me,in all of my dullness.


I need to meet new people,get out more,but dang that Ellen and Young and the Restless pull me back to the TV every time. I wonder sometimes will I not want to get out of this rut,then I realize oh yea I do have those bills to pay.(Looking at my phone at another number calling I can't answer). I leave for Memphis in the morning whoop ee!!( As sarcastic as it can get). I will miss roomie. This is the first time all year we will be away from each other for longer then some hours. I think it might do us good. Get away and reflect on some things. I really wish I could talk to Orange woman before I left. I don't want to take unwanted drama into a new year with me. It seems as though that has been an on going thing year after year and this year I don't want to do it. I really just want to talk to really see if she feels I am this bad person she thinks I am. Considering for once I can honestly say I haven't done anything,it makes me mad. I didn't talk back or bad mouth or even call her out of her name. So why do you hate me so? The world may never know. I may be blogging a lot more in the next couple of days. Simple because 1. I will probably be bored out of my mind and 2. it will be some interesting things going on. ( I haven't been home in a very long time). Oh well back to reading my new fav blog(shout out to Brothers and brown girl gone gay!lol).

I love Janelle Monae

Gap!

So what am I?

*sigh* ok so this question has come up so much it makes me almost want to take off my shoe and throw it at someone. Ok so in the lesbian world you have all of these titles....femme,stud,soft stud,faggy boi,...and it goes on and on and on. I think there is some kind of math equation or something that determines which side you end up on I don't know. I guess for right now for certain people I will go with soft stud. I do a little bit of both with the wardrobe. I got some men's clothes and I have some women's clothes. I like to be comfortable and that really depends on where I am going. Hmmm I will think about it some more but that is where I am leaning at the moment.(clicks back on downelink to answer some more of these not so interesting messages).

Update 12/23/2008

OK i thought about it some more, i am going to go with soft stud. I am comfortable with women's or men's clothing. I like for my relationship to be balanced if i give i want you to give back. i don't mind getting my eyebrows done and considering i just went with bae to get her nails done,have no problem with that either lol. i love women and women love me. so that is where I am at the moment.

(clicks off computer,going out to a b-day dinner).

Going Home but not feeling totally like I am Wanted

I am heading home to enjoy all this holiday spirit.....I think. I finally got to talk to my sister after about 30 times of trying to get her. She is the only one in my family I have told my big "secret". yes I like girls and the one I like you have met plenty of times. She was not surprised when I told her. She said she knew all along. It makes me wonder sometimes does the rest of my family think the same thing and just never said anything. I thought about telling my dad,but he and I haven't spoken in awhile. Not that it wold make that any worse but I have to much life begging to do while I am at home to take a chance of not getting anything. I am still jobless and need all the help I can get at this point. So the silence will continue on...except with my sister. I guess it will be nice to actually talk to her about it. Explain when this life changing experience took place. We didn't get to go into detail when I told her so i thought a well needed sister moment was due. I haven't really had one since high school and that was now it seems like such a long time ago(I am still very young).

The part I am dreading the most about my trip is my mom's family. I have not felt close to them since she died and well I thought it had gotten better. But it hasn't. I just feel like there is no connection there and as hard as I try to connect I never get anything back . It comes a time when you have to let go of things and this is one thing I have to let go of. We will never be close. Not because of things they have done ,but more so things that have not been done and not be allowed to happen. I guess one day I will feel like my family cares but I doubt that will be this week. Even with the Christmas cheer in the air.

On a brighter note, grandma is happy to see me come home. She wants me to move back but the great city of Memphis is not for me. I loved growing up there but I feel like I would get caught in a rut if I returned. It is just not for me in this stage of my life. But I will be happy to spend a lot of time with her. Never know how much longer I have to do that so I cherish the moments I do get to see her ,even in her crazy moments lol. (not Frankie Keyshia Cole momma crazy but close lol). I also get to see my niece and nephew open up their Christmas gifts for the first time ever!!! I am excited about this even though I couldn't afford to get them anything. I thought about giving my nephew my glass chess set. He loves chess and he would probably do more with it then I am at the moment. Maybe he could grow to be really good at it and get into competitions. Who knows what the future hold. I don't know what I would get my niece. I was never into the girly stuff and I don't have any money to go out and just buy something. I will have to be thought into that one. .....

Well two days and counting and Shelby county here I come. I have some friends I will be seeing. All my junior high buddies. That will be fun. There is one that is gay which is nice. We can talk and be comfortable. So she is my saving grace while I am there as far as that goes and I can't wait to see her either. To Mars and back is how I feel. We will see if that changes in two days..

Resume and Jobs

*Sigh* If anyone is good with resumes,give me a ring. I need help. Doing this on my own is not working. I don't know what to do from here. I have been looking for a job for over a year. In a couple of weeks it will be 2009. I do not want to go thru next year what I have went thru this year. I need help!!!!

I have went from job to job,two of them went bankrupt because of the economy. One let me go because they couldn't afford to keep us. One was making me sick every time I went and it was either the job or my health. I don't know right now what I am going to do. It is getting to a point where bills are not going to get paid. I can;t continue on the path that I am on. Even the hustling isn't doing enough. I apply and apply and apply. And I haven't even received a phone call for a interview.*sigh* Is my resume that bad? I have three different ones. One with a master's degree. one without. One for specific Human resource positions. I have applied for everything from being a secretary, to being a manager. What am I to do!!.

Letting it all out post 143

...Life in all it's turns and corners can never really go how you imagine it to. Right now at the end of 2008 ,I am happy to see it go. I was never one to want my life to rush,you know the can't wait to drive age,the can't wait to drink age(although i moved that up a lil ,lol). The I am ready to be grown age. I never wanted to rush that. Here I am at the tender age of 26 still young,still breathing(thank the lord). But definitely not where I want to be. I am jobless,(thanks bush). Dealing with friends with more problems then a math book. And well I am blessed for what I have but not happy about what I don't. If it wasn't for my support of my boo...well needless to say I would be back in the M(trying to not make it on to a episode of the first 48). I have a friend who wants to take the hard road of life,no matter what is thrown at her. I don't understand how you want to go thru things. I go thru stuff and I am like if there is any way for me to avoid this, I want to avoid it. But she runs head first into the wall. I will never understand.....


Christmas time is around and well...no Christmas Spirit for me as far as family goes. I am trying to work on that. Don't know how well it is going to go though. My cousin is getting married. I called,I texted,even emailed,didn't get anything back. I am chalking it up as a lost at this point. Everything on the home front is good for right now. I hope it stays that way. Me and some of my junior high buds are planning a reunion when everyone is home for Christmas. I am much more excited about that then anything else. Some of these people I have not seen since high school. it will be great to catch up and just have genuine fun. I got to dust the ole bowling ball off. ( I might need to sneak in some games before hand lol). Well that is all for now ,more to come over the weekend. Going to do more job applications..*sigh*