Happy New Year Goodbye 08 and Hello 09!

Well another year of my life is about to end and I am blessed to see another one. It seems like this year has gone by super fast. I can't say I am sad to see it go besides the fact that it means I am getting another year older. It has been a hard year for me but I am still so blessed. In 09 my only motto is to go out and get it! And that goes for anything I want to do. No excuses or wasting time this year. More and more of what I need and want. I feel like 08 was my lazy year. The time where I had time to do what I wanted to do as far as not doing nothing. Now it is grind time. I got god with me and he is all I need. So you either riding with me or u getting left behind. In 08 I saw a black president get elected. I saw and have been a part of the first recession of my young time on earth. I mended broken relationships and lost others. All in all thru the highs and the lows I wouldn't change anything. Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!

Spoons ,Taboo and a lot of video games

Well still in Memphis,trip is going well I must admit. I think I have spent a lot of much needed time with my sister and her kids. I spent the whole day with the kids yesterday,going around spending their Christmas money on video games,video games, and more video games. It was fun though I must admit. We went to see J.T. which was fun for my nephew because he got to play games on the PS3. He doesn't have one so it was fun for him. I like to put positive role models in his life and J.T. is definitely one. I wish It could happen more often. oh well. Kicked it with the high school gang last night. We played this game called spoons. It is like magical chairs except with spoons and cards. It was quite entertaining and very intense. Of course we had to play TABOO...and anytime you can get someone to answer for one of the people that the answer is OBAMA it is a good time with laughs lol. But I am having fun to say the least now I have to get some work done. The hustle continues! later days!

Merry Christmas to All!

Hello blogger world. happy Holidays and good cheer. I am in Memphis enjoying the family and I must say that,it has been way better then I expected to be.I have enjoyed so much spending time with my niece and nephew. I don't get to see them much and they are growing so fast! This was the first time I ever really got to see them wake up for Christmas and open their gifts. It was a very holiday experience. You know Christmas isn't the same, when you get older as when you were a kids,unless you get that engagement ring or a big trip or even a car. But I still enjoy the few gifts I get. I am really happy about my OBAMA calender!!!

I miss my boo on so many levels. I wish she could have came with me,but I guess I will be OK for a couple of more days. I am excited about the weekend and my junior high class reunion. Yes I did say junior high lol. We were a close bunch and still are. Going to each others weddings and watching each others kids. It is a joyous occasion. I met my sister's new boyfriend. He is pretty cool and far from the type that she usually dates. Which I don't think it is a bad thing. Sometimes stepping out of the box leads to wonderful things. He is cool and he treats her really well,so he is all right with me. I got to finally meet my cousins fiance. Who ironically is friends with my sisters boyfriend. Small world right? He is cool to. My aunt got electronic monopoly for Christmas and we all sat around and played it. It was one of the few times I felt like a real part of the family. There was no fighting or arguing ,just having fun and enjoying each others time and company. Love was in the air. I still haven't seen my dad yet,which the day is still young ....don't know how that is going to go since I haven't talked to him in months. Oh well, I am not going to let him spoil my day.

I haven't seen any of my friends yet.....doesn't surprise me really. Most times they complain about me not being here and then I don't see them. But hopefully before Sunday I would have spent time with everyone I needed to. I sat with my grandma when I first got here for probably the longest time I have ever in the past 4 years without someone else being there. It actually wasn't that bad. I hope to work on our relationship more. It just bothers me I cant do the things for her that I want to because I don't have the money. Well that is all for now...we are bout to have family dinner.We will see how that goes.

Happy Holidays!!!

The Life and Times of the Jobless...

So I am sitting here doing what I do most days it seems. Check Bank account(still not enough zeros). Check facebook,myspace and downelink(still not enough messages). Spend several hours looking thru jobs and posting and sending my resume(can I please get a interview this time at least?). Going to the post office to mail resumes(doesn't help me more as they say). Being a head doctor thru all of this and not collecting the check to go with it(maybe 4 more years of school wouldn't be so bad?). I never realized the dram that goes on in my friends lives. Thank goodness for non-drama over this way.And of course thinking about life and love as I always do. This is my day in a nut shell. Throw in the occasional night out,birthday party,baby shower(dang everyone I know is having kids,no water for me). And of course my photography(the girl is getting good on photoshop ya'll). And that is me,in all of my dullness.


I need to meet new people,get out more,but dang that Ellen and Young and the Restless pull me back to the TV every time. I wonder sometimes will I not want to get out of this rut,then I realize oh yea I do have those bills to pay.(Looking at my phone at another number calling I can't answer). I leave for Memphis in the morning whoop ee!!( As sarcastic as it can get). I will miss roomie. This is the first time all year we will be away from each other for longer then some hours. I think it might do us good. Get away and reflect on some things. I really wish I could talk to Orange woman before I left. I don't want to take unwanted drama into a new year with me. It seems as though that has been an on going thing year after year and this year I don't want to do it. I really just want to talk to really see if she feels I am this bad person she thinks I am. Considering for once I can honestly say I haven't done anything,it makes me mad. I didn't talk back or bad mouth or even call her out of her name. So why do you hate me so? The world may never know. I may be blogging a lot more in the next couple of days. Simple because 1. I will probably be bored out of my mind and 2. it will be some interesting things going on. ( I haven't been home in a very long time). Oh well back to reading my new fav blog(shout out to Brothers and brown girl gone gay!lol).

I love Janelle Monae

Gap!

So what am I?

*sigh* ok so this question has come up so much it makes me almost want to take off my shoe and throw it at someone. Ok so in the lesbian world you have all of these titles....femme,stud,soft stud,faggy boi,...and it goes on and on and on. I think there is some kind of math equation or something that determines which side you end up on I don't know. I guess for right now for certain people I will go with soft stud. I do a little bit of both with the wardrobe. I got some men's clothes and I have some women's clothes. I like to be comfortable and that really depends on where I am going. Hmmm I will think about it some more but that is where I am leaning at the moment.(clicks back on downelink to answer some more of these not so interesting messages).

Update 12/23/2008

OK i thought about it some more, i am going to go with soft stud. I am comfortable with women's or men's clothing. I like for my relationship to be balanced if i give i want you to give back. i don't mind getting my eyebrows done and considering i just went with bae to get her nails done,have no problem with that either lol. i love women and women love me. so that is where I am at the moment.

(clicks off computer,going out to a b-day dinner).

Going Home but not feeling totally like I am Wanted

I am heading home to enjoy all this holiday spirit.....I think. I finally got to talk to my sister after about 30 times of trying to get her. She is the only one in my family I have told my big "secret". yes I like girls and the one I like you have met plenty of times. She was not surprised when I told her. She said she knew all along. It makes me wonder sometimes does the rest of my family think the same thing and just never said anything. I thought about telling my dad,but he and I haven't spoken in awhile. Not that it wold make that any worse but I have to much life begging to do while I am at home to take a chance of not getting anything. I am still jobless and need all the help I can get at this point. So the silence will continue on...except with my sister. I guess it will be nice to actually talk to her about it. Explain when this life changing experience took place. We didn't get to go into detail when I told her so i thought a well needed sister moment was due. I haven't really had one since high school and that was now it seems like such a long time ago(I am still very young).

The part I am dreading the most about my trip is my mom's family. I have not felt close to them since she died and well I thought it had gotten better. But it hasn't. I just feel like there is no connection there and as hard as I try to connect I never get anything back . It comes a time when you have to let go of things and this is one thing I have to let go of. We will never be close. Not because of things they have done ,but more so things that have not been done and not be allowed to happen. I guess one day I will feel like my family cares but I doubt that will be this week. Even with the Christmas cheer in the air.

On a brighter note, grandma is happy to see me come home. She wants me to move back but the great city of Memphis is not for me. I loved growing up there but I feel like I would get caught in a rut if I returned. It is just not for me in this stage of my life. But I will be happy to spend a lot of time with her. Never know how much longer I have to do that so I cherish the moments I do get to see her ,even in her crazy moments lol. (not Frankie Keyshia Cole momma crazy but close lol). I also get to see my niece and nephew open up their Christmas gifts for the first time ever!!! I am excited about this even though I couldn't afford to get them anything. I thought about giving my nephew my glass chess set. He loves chess and he would probably do more with it then I am at the moment. Maybe he could grow to be really good at it and get into competitions. Who knows what the future hold. I don't know what I would get my niece. I was never into the girly stuff and I don't have any money to go out and just buy something. I will have to be thought into that one. .....

Well two days and counting and Shelby county here I come. I have some friends I will be seeing. All my junior high buddies. That will be fun. There is one that is gay which is nice. We can talk and be comfortable. So she is my saving grace while I am there as far as that goes and I can't wait to see her either. To Mars and back is how I feel. We will see if that changes in two days..

Resume and Jobs

*Sigh* If anyone is good with resumes,give me a ring. I need help. Doing this on my own is not working. I don't know what to do from here. I have been looking for a job for over a year. In a couple of weeks it will be 2009. I do not want to go thru next year what I have went thru this year. I need help!!!!

I have went from job to job,two of them went bankrupt because of the economy. One let me go because they couldn't afford to keep us. One was making me sick every time I went and it was either the job or my health. I don't know right now what I am going to do. It is getting to a point where bills are not going to get paid. I can;t continue on the path that I am on. Even the hustling isn't doing enough. I apply and apply and apply. And I haven't even received a phone call for a interview.*sigh* Is my resume that bad? I have three different ones. One with a master's degree. one without. One for specific Human resource positions. I have applied for everything from being a secretary, to being a manager. What am I to do!!.

Letting it all out post 143

...Life in all it's turns and corners can never really go how you imagine it to. Right now at the end of 2008 ,I am happy to see it go. I was never one to want my life to rush,you know the can't wait to drive age,the can't wait to drink age(although i moved that up a lil ,lol). The I am ready to be grown age. I never wanted to rush that. Here I am at the tender age of 26 still young,still breathing(thank the lord). But definitely not where I want to be. I am jobless,(thanks bush). Dealing with friends with more problems then a math book. And well I am blessed for what I have but not happy about what I don't. If it wasn't for my support of my boo...well needless to say I would be back in the M(trying to not make it on to a episode of the first 48). I have a friend who wants to take the hard road of life,no matter what is thrown at her. I don't understand how you want to go thru things. I go thru stuff and I am like if there is any way for me to avoid this, I want to avoid it. But she runs head first into the wall. I will never understand.....


Christmas time is around and well...no Christmas Spirit for me as far as family goes. I am trying to work on that. Don't know how well it is going to go though. My cousin is getting married. I called,I texted,even emailed,didn't get anything back. I am chalking it up as a lost at this point. Everything on the home front is good for right now. I hope it stays that way. Me and some of my junior high buds are planning a reunion when everyone is home for Christmas. I am much more excited about that then anything else. Some of these people I have not seen since high school. it will be great to catch up and just have genuine fun. I got to dust the ole bowling ball off. ( I might need to sneak in some games before hand lol). Well that is all for now ,more to come over the weekend. Going to do more job applications..*sigh*

So Thankful!!!

Good Morning Everyone!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I will make it short and sweet, because it is almost time to hit the rode to make my many stops today. But this has been a trying year for me ,where I have gone thru things that I never thought I would but I am still thankful for so many things.

1. To still be alive and healthy(a little cold don't count lol).
2. To have roof over my head and food in my belly. And to be broke I am still quite stylish lol.
3. Thankful for the friends that I have around me. They may be a little crazy but they are there when I need them and I the same for them.
4. Thankful for my dads family.The thoughts and calls are really good for my heart right now. They don't know how appreciated they are.
5. Thankful for the gift of love. You can give it in so many ways and people never really know how that means to a person.
6. Thankful for being blessed by the lord and having a pastor that checks on me and makes sure I am ok. I love my church so much.
7. I am thankful for the new skills I have acquired and will move me into new heights.
8. I am thankful for life and everything that it brings my way good or bad because it makes me the person that I am.
9. I am thankful for knowing that my mom still looks down on me ,as well as all others that I have lost in my life. I share this thanksgiving with them as well.
10. I am thankful for my friends family that takes me in as their own and makes me feel wanted. They will never truly know how that makes me feel.

Everyone have a blessed and safe holiday!!!

Message

I am still listening to Beyonce....the jury is still out......



Management

Heartless

Have you ever had a person that well ...you knew it was best that they left but you never wanted to be the one that was thought of as the blame?Many times in relationships the breakup is one sided. Who did what wrong,but there are those times that well it is a even trade. I did my dirt you did yours.A lot of my friends are going thru breakups for so many reasons. And one of the things that they are all worried about is what people will say. Mainly why they ain't shit and why it is their fault,even though it might not 100 percent be. I think they need to bump this Kanye and understand maybe that person is the Heartless one.....

Time Passes

It has been over two weeks since the last time i posted. How fast time flies. We have a new African-American president, which I am still happy about. New friendships have taken me to new leaps and bounds of trust,anger,and commitment. Old friendships have taken me thru the same. I never realized really how you can be going thru so much but there still be people who are going thru more,until recently. I mean I always knew and always heard that from older people but for once I am in the middle of the other peoples "more stuff'. I have learned over my life,that having ears that are born to listen is what I do. I am caring and considerate as much as I can be and that has always come off to my friends. I am the one they come to no matter,what the situation. I take pride in the fact that I am considered the shoulder and the listening ear.

You are put here for a reason and if that is my reason then so be it. It makes me happy when I make them happy. Sometimes I do fail but it is not without trying my hardest. Loyalty is a must and I hold that high and true.You have to be able to tell them what they want to hear and also what they don't. Sometimes with a joking laugh and sometimes with a stern voice. So after tonight's event I again say my quote that I use so often,when others listen to too many people:

"Never let someone Else's opinion become your reality"

Thanks J

November 4,2008

Even though it is November 5Th as I write this blog,November 4Th,2008 is when my life was changed for ever. Senator Barack Obama is now President-Elect Obama. I called my dad once the numbers from those last 4 states came in. I could hear the joy in his voice. A black man he said,from my state he said. My dad said he knew in Jan. that it was really possible. And to see it with his own eyes is something he will never forget. As his daughter I know of the stories he told of the struggles my people had to go thru. To see someone that looks like us being President of the United States is something many of us never thought would happen.

To all of those people who struggled. Who couldn't even drink out of a water fountain or eat at a restaurant. That was their day.God does his work in his own time. It is not meant for us to understand. This man's name is in the bible. Judges 4:6. He was sent here for a purpose as all of us are. This is a change that we needed. This is where we will pull strength and finally hopefully come together as a nation. It will take longer then 4 years to right all the wrongs but I have faith we have chosen the man that can do it and convincingly we did so.

November 4,2008-My president is Black.
Signing off...
S.N.J.

Just for Tommorow

Get out and VOTE PEOPLE!!!

Goodness

This is for all the well when you see the pics ...this is for y'all lol. Serena Williams does a body good.lol. Saw these on another blog. Posted them up for my viewing public,I know some of y'all will find it offensive,others will give a standing O. Lol do what you feel with this one.

Relationships What Does it All Mean

People always tell you to say what you mean and mean what you say,so why is it in relationships this is not always true. People may be in a relationship and be madly in love with a person but not be able to tell them. It seems more and more that people assume that people know what that mean by their actions. But if you have never been a person to show your affections,then it is definitely hard for someone to read you.

Not talking is and can be the biggest problem in a relationship. Without communication what do you have?I see so many people getting married these days and I wonder,are they really ready?Can you honestly admit that you are willing to talk to that person about anything and everything,even if it means that they may be mad at you. Are you willing to face problems head on?So many questions and issues must be answered when you are in a relationship. And it is never easy when that communication is one sided. It sucks really. I look at the relationships I have had in my life and I wonder,What could I have done differently?What could I have said or not said to make that situation better. It is just a part of it. "I am not scared of Lions,Tigers,or Bears, But I am scared of loving you" Jazmine hit it on the head with that one when it comes to the person that I love. I think Love is something that you want so bad but sometimes it is just not meant to be. You fight for something that you feel is right but is it really?

The impossible task....I wonder if my time on the job is over.............I don't want to loose a friend.

One Leaves ,Another Returns

So in the past couple of months I have been having a lot of ups and downs with the BFF sector. I have a new one,miss Carmen lol(she knows who she is) We talk everyday and it couldn't be greater,besides the fact we need to see each other more in person. But trust as soon as I get a better job and can afford the gas it is on and popping lol. But of course I had the work BFF. We will call her Kia Motors lol. But we had fallen off for awhile because of some un for seen circumstances with our significant others. But it is cool cus we are back on track and I couldn't be happier about it. Now my other BFF is a different story. It seems like in the past couple of months we have drifted father apart. I don't like it but unfortunately it isn't much I can do about it. I have tried to hold my peace about situations because I don't want to make things worse,but it hard to go from seeing a person all the time to not seeing them at all,considering we can walk to each other apartment. It is not all her fault I have to admit that but it just sucks. It seems like with th new BFF I have what I should have with the old one. Time is made for our friendship and the relationship. I don't think it is hard to do ,but it seems like for the older BFF it is. I know she is no happy in the situation she is in right now but she doesn't see a way out without someone getting hurt. I can't make decisions for her. I wish I could. All of this has helped me think really deeply about the next step of my education that I am going to take. I think this is the first time I think I am doing what I was meant to be here to do. We will see. More details later. .......

So the Swag contiunes

There is this guy that goes to my Alma Mata MTSU . He got swagga,if he make it big i will support.Shout out to my boy P.A.T.!He got a flow,it's worth the listen.

Diddy check him out lol... and shout out to Diddy i had to put his version up to lol . It is different from the previous one lol.


Diddy version



pat version


Swagger Like Pat from Pat J on Vimeo.

I miss you

*sigh* this is the week I dread out of the month. My mom's birthday is on 0ct 7,she has been gone now from me for 11 years. It still hurts as if she just left me yesterday. I haven't been sleeping. I feel like my life is in shambles. I just don't know what to do right now. And it is sad because I have no-one to talk to. No-one that understands the pain that I feel. This is all i can type right now without crying.............

Have Things in the World Really Changed?

Posted Sept. 25, 2008 – George Fox University in Oregon may be a Christian school, but you’d never know it by the way some of its students behave.

On campus Tuesday, somebody lynched a life-sized cardboard dummy of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. George Fox University President Robin Baker said that a custodian found the six-foot cutout of Obama swinging from a tree on campus and removed it – sending a chilling historic flashback through the minds of its African-American students.

Between the late-19th century and mid-20th century, Blacks were routinely lynched throughout the South and Midwest, often for nothing other than having darker skin. Sometimes successful African Americans were lynched by Whites who were merely jealous of their accomplishments.
Obama, a Harvard graduate, Grammy winner, best-selling author and millionaire is the first Black person to land a major-party presidential nomination.

The image of Obama was accompanied by a note: “Act Six reject.” A minority scholarship program at the university is called “Act Six.” Baker told The Associated Press that he met with the students in Act Six who are on full scholarship, noting that he had another meeting scheduled for the entire student body this week.


(From BET.com)

OBAMA 08 PEOPLE!!

When you are watching tv or you tube and everyone is dissing your republican candidate don't you think you should take notice to the fact that he may not be the right one to run the country??

The BlackHaven High lol

Hi guys and girls to all my high school friends and enemies lol you need to join the website and catch up!

http://whitehavenalumni.ning.com/

Are U Registered to Vote???

I got this from my girl blog ,it was emailed to her and I felt the definite need to pass it along,so here you go!



For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because 'every family has challenges,' even as black and Latino families with similar 'challenges' are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a 'fuckin' redneck,' like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll 'kick their fuckin' ass,' and talk about how you like to 'shoot shit' for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.
White privilege is when you can attend five different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're 'untested.'

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words 'under God' in the pledge of allegiance because 'if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me,' and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the 'under God' part wasn't added until the 1950s--while if you're black and believe in reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school, requires it), you are a dangerous and mushy liberal who isn't fit to safeguard American institutions.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you.

White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto is 'Alaska first,' and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college and the fact that she lives close to Russia--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because suddenly your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a 'second look.'

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is when you can take nearly twenty-four hours to get to a hospital after beginning to leak amniotic fluid, and still be viewed as a great mom whose commitment to her children is unquestionable, and whose 'next door neighbor' qualities make her ready to be VP, while if you're a black candidate for president and you let your children be interviewed for a few seconds on TV, you're irresponsibly exploiting them.

White privilege is being able to give a 36 minute speech in which you talk about lipstick and make fun of your opponent, while laying out no substantive policy positions on any issue at all, and still manage to be considered a legitimate candidate, while a black person who gives an hour speech the week before, in which he lays out specific policy proposals on several issues, is still criticized for being too vague about what he would do if elected.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America.

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a 'trick question,' while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to go to a prestigious prep school, then to Yale and then Harvard Business school, and yet, still be seen as just an average guy (George W. Bush) while being black, going to a prestigious prep school, then Occidental College, then Columbia, and then to Harvard Law, makes you 'uppity,' and a snob who probably looks down on regular folks.

White privilege is being able to graduate near the bottom of your college class (McCain), or graduate with a C average from Yale (W.) and that's OK, and you're cut out to be president, but if you're black and you graduate near the top of your class from Harvard Law, you can't be trusted to make good decisions in office.
White privilege is being able to dump your first wife after she's disfigured in a car crash so you can take up with a multi-millionaire beauty queen (who you go on to call the c-word in public) and still be thought of as a man of strong family values, while if you're black and married for nearly twenty years to the same woman, your family is viewed as un-American and your gestures of affection for each other are called 'terrorist fist bumps.'

White privilege is when you can develop a pain-killer addiction, having obtained your drug of choice illegally like Cindy McCain, go on to beat that addiction, and everyone praises you for being so strong, while being a black guy who smoked pot a few times in college and never became an addict means people will wonder if perhaps you still get high, and even ask whether or not you ever sold drugs.

White privilege is being able to sing a song about bombing Iran and still be viewed as a sober and rational statesman, with the maturity to be president, while being black and suggesting that the U.S. should speak with other nations, even when we have disagreements with them, makes you 'dangerously naive and immature.'

White privilege is being able to say that you hate 'gooks' and 'will always hate them,' and yet, you aren't a racist because, ya know, you were a POW so you're entitled to your hatred, while being black and insisting that black anger about racism is understandable, given the history of your country, makes you a dangerous bigot.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism and an absent father is apparently among the 'lesser adversities' faced by other politicians, as Sarah Palin explained in her convention speech.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because a lot of white voters aren't sure about that whole 'change' thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem.

She Works Hard

I am loving the new ne-yo. Here is the Remix Video...Pretty hot song here buddy!

Given Up at such a YOUNG age

This one is a little late but I had to get my thoughts together. Here is the news article then I will give my personal feedback.

Last spring, Young said he thought of retiring after rookie season

ADVERTISEMENT NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- If Vince Young isn't sure he wants to play football anymore, he didn't show it Wednesday.He reported to work, watched part of practice with a wrap around his sprained left knee and avoided reporters wanting to talk about his mother's comments indicating he doesn't want to play because of the negativity he's faced since being booed heavily during a 17-10 win over Jacksonville.His coach and teammates are sticking with their quarterback and the official story that whatever happened that prompted coach Jeff Fisher to alert police to help locate Young and check on his emotional well-being was just a misunderstanding. And that it was blown out of proportion by the media.And no, Young doesn't have to prove his commitment to either Fisher or his teammates."He led us to the playoffs last year. We just want him to get healthy and back on the field," Fisher said.Young stood with linebacker Keith Bulluck and former college teammate Michael Griffin for part of practice. Bulluck said he knows Young is fine after speaking with him. The best way they can help the quarterback? Go beat Cincinnati on Sunday.Bulluck said he's seen Donovan McNabb and Steve McNair get down after losses, something that goes with the pressures of being the quarterback. He expressed his confidence that Young will take the good and the bad of his position."That's just things quarterbacks go through. They probably wear red shirts for a reason. They're a little more sensitive than any position on the field," Bulluck joked before becoming serious. "... Being his third year I'm sure he has a lot on his plate like we all do. I know he'll rebound, and we'll be all right. That's why I'm saying that the situation will take care of itself."Center Kevin Mawae called Young still a leader whose teammates trust and believe in him."Anything that happens outside the locker room will be outside the realm of football, that's something that's between him and his family and whoever's handling that with him," Mawae said.The quarterback didn't talk to reporters, but Fisher did promise Young will speak "at some point."Young is the only person who knows what he was thinking Monday when he skipped an MRI exam to determine the extent of his sprained medial collateral ligament. Fisher and a psychologist met with the quarterback at his home, then he took off in his Mercedes to eat chicken wings and watch football.But whatever he said at home prompted someone to call Fisher, who said Tuesday night the information he had didn't allow him the luxury of waiting. On Wednesday, Fisher only called it a misunderstanding, but defended what the team did as concern for an employee.For now, veteran Kerry Collins will start. The Titans signed Chris Simms as insurance Wednesday and will not project when Young will be healthy enough to play. Fisher said the starter's job remains Young, but admitted the quarterback has some work to do."He has to put some things back in perspective, and first and foremost has to get healthy," Fisher said.Young was booed in 2004 while in college when Texas was shut out by Oklahoma, and he was benched for the second half of a win over Missouri the next week. He responded by never losing another game.That kind of success just isn't possible in the NFL, but Young's fellow quarterbacks are offering up suggestions on dealing with the unique pressure of playing in this league.Collins, the fifth overall pick in the 1995 draft, said he didn't learn how to handle all the attention until he wound up with his third team, the New York Giants in his fifth season. He said he'll be happy to be a resource for Young, but hasn't shared his own story yet."I was a young guy who played a lot, had success early and did some things that looking back probably weren't the right things to do. I learned from it. I think that's the most important thing, as it is in life. You make mistakes, you learn from it and move on," Collins said.Bengals receiver Chad Johnson said football is fun, while pressure is being sent to fight in Iraq. Cincinnati quarterback Carson Palmer, who had to heal up from his own knee injury, doesn't know Young well. But he believes the key is not to worry about what anyone outside the team says."If you're a guy who is always worried about what people are saying about you, it's going to be tough, it's going to eat at you and get at you. But you need to experience it and figure it out and learn to roll with it," Palmer said.Aaron Rodgers has dealt with his share of criticism in Green Bay and suggests keeping priorities straight."If you live your life and you decide your joy and happiness in life (is based) on what people say about you or think about you, you're going to be up and down every day," Rodgers said.

OK so as the story unfolded I felt like a lot of things being said probably weren't true. However as I watched the game for myself I realized that Young was a man that did not want to play football that day. He got booed,and for someone that has an ego of always doing things right or at least not getting blamed for the wrong,his was hurt. He didn't know how to take it. I remember when I became what I consider unpopular. At first I didn't know how to handle it and it took some getting use to. Maybe watching the "old man" take your team to it's best start in over 10 years will make you stand up again. It would be a shame to lose your job after just three seasons. I think it is time for him to grow up and realize everyone is not going to like you all of the time. It is what it is. Suck it up and keep it moving.

I think now more than ever failure is not an option. He is feeling like he is failing. I mean he won the championship in college by his own running merit. He was suppose to bring that to Tennessee. I mean yes he doesn't have the best record but he did at least get us back in the playoffs. It is hard out here in these streets of the NFL now,with the TOM Brady's and the The MANNING"S. Vince will find his place and hopefully get that ring he has been wanting. But you have to give it time.

Where on earth is?

Hello world. I am here with my late night thoughts and busy as a bee.I am sitting here talking like I always do at night to my text friend. Everyone has one. That person you can talk to about anything but you never call each other lol. Well needless to say she is one of the main reasons I go into the thousands with my text messages(Thank god for unlimited plans). Anyway ,I met her thru a friend. I knew what the motive was from the jump but I didn't want to bring someone into my life that would end up in the roommate triangle. So I kept it as friendship only with no trying to push for something more. She is really cool though. I can talk to her about a lot of things. And that is probably because we aren't on the romantic tip. Sometimes that confuses things and you end up talking about stuff besides what you really want to talk to about.

We have only kicked it once. Mostly because I stay in the boro and frankly if I lived in Nashville I wouldn't be hopping down the interstate to see anybody in the boro either. Especially with these gas prices lol. But I enjoy our talks. We have a lot in common and a lot to talk about. We don't have those one word text convos. It is actually something with substance. And I like it lol. As you get older you want friends that you can talk to and be comfortable with. At least me anyway. And in her I see that growing and maturing day by day.We are both seeing people which is cool,we kind of let each other (in) but keep enough distance to stay private. Which allows for more convo but it's at a distance where nothing gets said that shouldn't. I am glad she came into my life and I hope that it continues to blossom into a great friendship. HMMM I wonder if I can find her the show on DVD or something. LOL and as far as the Carmen San Diego goes let's just say for blog purposes this will be her tag name lol.

Night!!

Swagga Like Us

Ok so this whole swagga thing has been on a all time high. But Puffy, Puff Daddy ,P Diddy,Poppi Diddi PoP, hell Ciroq Obama(that shit is really good with some lemonade lol) is swag at it's best. Anyway this video shows the swag. niggas he is what he is. you can hate on the danity kane/day 26 hype. But face it. he still selling more then most artist out there who have a record label. Sean John is blazing as well as all the other ventures he has. Everybody wants to have his swag,the attitude. Forbes is his home get use to it. The man is a beast. I mean really he has like three shows now, who does that but Ciroq Obama. And if you don't remember yes he did a whole post show drunk as hell and was not talked about like he was dumb. Only Puff could do that or pull that off. The swagga is real.

Go Get IT!!!

09/30/2008 The best hip-hop/rap album of the year!

T.I. Paper Trail

GO GET IT!!

What's Up

just a little something for all my haters. shawty lo is no more after this video and song. I don't think he could make a better comeback. the KING has spoken

Are you living or just existing?

Went to the movies this past weekend for the first time in a very long time. Saw the new Tyler Perry film "The Family that Prey's". In the movie one of the characters asked "Are you living or just existing?". Makes you think doesn't it. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a little of both. If the money is rolling in ,then I am living. Enjoying life,traveling and not worrying about anything. On the other hand 90% of the time I am existing. Just going day by day not reaching out for anything. I don't like the life I lead. In the sense that I am not working where I want to work and not living where I want to live. In certain situations it is my fault. In other instances there are people holding me back.

I want ,what I want. I want to be happy at work doing something I love. And I want to be happy in my life and love. I don't think that is to much to ask for.In so many instances we focus on just trying to survive day to day instead of reaching for our goals. I am in the process of reaching and stepping out on faith. That's right faith. God has a plan for my life and I plan on living it out. Even if that means going back to school ,that's right a third degree. Some might think I am crazy but I know what I want to do that will make me happy and that is what I want to do. Working with people and helping them with their problems is what I aim to do. And I think I am good at it.

People get paid everyday to have people sit on their couch and tell all their secrets. Maybe it is time for me to open up my couch. So many possibilities for this thinking mind of mine.

Young and the Restless

Ok..so in college you know you have those breaks during class. You go home eat,decide whether or not you are going to go to the rest of your classes,and in some cases,who house might you be spending the night at?(or was that just me lol). Anyway a lot of people take the break to watch their fav soap opera or court show. Mine was to watch Young and the Restless. I never was in to those type of shows until my mom got sick. She loved to watch The Price is Right and then stay on for Young and The Restless. Back then it was home to fine Sherman Moore. The ladies loved him but hardly half of them actually watched the show lol. But out of all of the soap operas,Y&R has been number one for over most of my life out of all of them.


Victor Newman...the man who only shows his heart and love to certain people. But shows his black heart to all is the heart of the show and one of my favs. It is amazing now that I have been working later in the day and being able to actually watch it again,how I have been drawn back into it. Even today I actually shed a tear.(lame i know) But it has always taken me back to that time in my life where for the last moments of her life. Me and my mom shared something. It was so special to me to just sit there with her and watch her smile and be happy even during her sickness. We would watch it and then talk about it. Then we would watch music videos for me ,so she could watch me dance. It made her smile. For awhile I didn't watch Y&R ,it was to painful for me because I didn't have her here to watch with me. But now I know,when I sit here all into the story, she is sitting here with me enjoying every moment. Young and the Restless is what I am now,I have to find my way just like Victor did,and I plan on being the best just like him. People doubt me just like they doubted the show. But just like the show,I will make it.And I will have to get into my Victoria Newman mindset. Because you can be successful and still have a heart.

Photography

It is time for me to reach out for my dream. I have been taking pictures since I was 12.I love how people react when i cam around with a camera. they get so excited and are ready for action lol.It has helped me really capture a lot of moments of my life that I probably would have forgetting about without the pictures. It really became a part of my life once my mom died. It was so much about her life I didn't know about because she died when I was young. You never really think about all the things you should have asked your parents until it is to late. Well going thru her stuff I found a lot of pictures. Not just of her but of things she was involved in or was a part of. It gave me a way to know things about her. I want to give that to other people. I love taking pictures at weddings. And with the things you can do with photo shop these days,u can make pictures glow and form into things that 10 years ago would have been a dream. So I have a really good camera now. But I want bigger and better so I can really start doing models? Any suggestions?

So many reasons....

There are so many reason to love a person. For instance,they take care of you, they hold you when you are down. They are there for you to talk to when you need them. They make you feel special, they never hurt you or if they do it is not intended. U can't explain it but you hurt when you are not around them. You miss them so much. This person allows you to feel like you can breath again. When you look into their eyes you can see you and them together for ever. Being in love is a beautiful union of spirits. Many people never get the chance to feel that way. And some people take it for granted. There are so many reasons to say this person means so much to you. But showing them is even better. Cooking them their favs,to show that you do listen to what they like. Running a warm bath after a long day. Leaving them little notes to say how special they are to you. Being in the moment. What happened to that with people?What happened to showing how you feel and care. And wanting that person to know all the time. Do people really know what real love is anymore?I know there are so many reasons I can't change how I show love and what I expect. And I don't think I should settle for anything less.

What is there to hide?

For the past couple of months this subject has came up and I have been wondering about it. What is their to hide in a relationship?

I have some friends who will let their significant other look thru their phone ,email and anything else that they may have. Others can look thru the phone but not the email.(the probably don't care about the email). While other people I know won't even let you look thru their phone.

Now I know when you are in a relationship ,that there has to be trust there or there is really nothing to fall back on. I think that once you get to a certain point with a person,i.e. been together a really long time or engaged, It shouldn't matter if that person looks thru your phone. Many times people don't want their "boo" to look thru their phone because that harmless flirting they were doing was much more then they made it off to be. I to myself have been in this situation and well I decided to look thru the phone.

It actually happened twice. And both times I found the answer that I was looking for but was not happy about it either time. It does hurt when someone lies to you to your face and it takes for you to be the private eye to find out. I guess once you get to the point you have to look in phones u should know that it is pretty much some lying going on. You should always go with your first mind. But to the lying party,why lie? In the end you are going to end up with a person that doesn't trust you and you have to try extra hard to get that back. If you can get it back at all. In all the situations of the past month,they have all managed to get their relationships back on track. But at what fault?Less trust in the relationship lingers,there may have been outside people that got hurt for no reason and now people can look at you as a liar. Will you ever be able to recover fully from that. We all hope that love conquers all but does it really?

I think that in a relationship you should be willing to share everything. That doesn't mean that someone should go thru your phone everyday but ,reassuring the person that you are with,that is nothing wrong with that. I think now with the advancements of technology at home and in the work place,dating and being in relationships will continue to get harder and harder. Only time will tell.....

The man is a Beast

I didn't write it but it is an interesting blog from yahoo and yes the man is a beast!

Friday, Aug 15, 2008 1:32 pm EDT

The mystery of Michael Phelps' iPod playlist

By Chris Chase

"In the long, storied history of Fourth-Place Medal's Investigative Unit (founded: Monday), one question has been asked by our readers more than any other. Today, on our five-day anniversary, we will attempt to tackle the biggest Olympic mystery of the Beijing Games: what is Michael Phelps listening to on his iPod?

In nearly every camera shot of Michael Phelps on dry land, he can be seen with iPod headphones dangling from his ears. The earbuds are a ubiquitous presence in the ready room and on the starting block; they're just as much a part of Phelps' 'uniform' as goggles and a swim cap. About two minutes prior to the start of a race, Phelps sheds the iPod along with his warm-ups. So, what is he listening to?

Podcasts of NPR's This American Life and Dylan live at The Supper Club. No wait, that's my iPod. Phelps listens to hip-hop music on his. He says it helps motivate him before a race.
While his pre-race tracklist varies, Phelps has said that "I'm Me" by Lil' Wayne has been on his playlist in Beijing. The track, off Weezy's mega-hit "Tha Carter III" features the line:
Yes I am the best/and no I ain't positive I'm definite/I know the game like I'm reffing itThat's about the only lyiric that's printable on a family blog.

Other artists that populate Phelps' iPod include: Jay-Z, Young Jeezy, Eminem and Outkast. (What, no 'Pac?) Occasionally, he'll throw some techno into the mix, but usually keeps things rap-centric. Phelps doesn't speak much about the specific songs he's listening to, but he did tell NBC in 2004 that Eminem's "'Til I Collapse" was on his most-played list at Athens. In 2005, he created a playlist for the website Rhapsody that included the songs "Roses" by Outkast, "Burn" by Usher, "Overnight Celebrity" by Twista and "Smile" by G-Unit.

Mystery: solved.

Lesbian Wars

*sigh* sometimes dealing with lesbians is to much time,to much hassle and to much stress. But the love of a woman can be so beautiful to. I have a new friend(not like that). More like a home girl. And I connect with her on a different level then my other bff. We have things in common but nothing that sets us up as the super duo or anything lol. She keeps me grounded at work and on my toes all at the same time. She is not from the Tenn which is a good thing. Fresh blood is always good. Keeps things interesting. I wonder sometimes why certain people are brought into your life. I feel she is here as a free spirit in mine. She keeps me laughing. gives me someone to talk to that won't be judgemental. She doesn't know enough about me to do so. But I do let her in. More then I do with a lot of people. Since the first day she walked into work ,she smiled at me and for some reason I felt that smile was going to lead to great things and it has. She is competition for me. I'm use to getting all the attention but she gets her own share of the limelight which makes em feel good. It is kind of a ying to my yang. Up until last week everything was smooth.

But of course it wouldn't be called lesbian wars without a little drama right?So she has girlfriend and I have my friend. They met and hit it off and well it got a little to close for comfort and almost ruined their relationships. No it wasn't my friends fault but more so a collective effort. A lot of people playing small parts into a major problem. Needless to say me and the new bff will have to kick it solo for awhile until things cool over. And maybe that is a good thing. It will allow us to get to know each other better and hopefully grow our friendship. And there is nothing wrong with that.


Why is it that jealous can ruin a relationship?I was talking to the new girl and everything was cool until the jealous devil showed it's head about my past(again). I have done everything right this time. Not brought her up in every convo. Not had them in the same place. But alas it is still an issue. I don't think it is anything I can get rid of or anything that makes me a bad person,it is what it is. But I was pissed. I was into the moment and her mind was elsewhere on her. She you don't want me to touch u cus you are jealous...well fine. I won't touch you at all. And that is all I am going to say about that......

olympics 2008

It is that time again. the gold medal chase. i must admit i love the summer games. never been a big fan of the winter games. but this year i have been into the swimming and I mean really into the swimming. I have been cheering at the tv like my life depended on it lol. The other night the men relay showed up and showed out! It was one of the best sports moments I've seen in my young life. If you missed it you missed a special moment.And by the way there was a black guy on the team. Only the second black man to win a medal in swimming!

I wish I knew where my mind takes me.....

*sigh* It seems every time I come home it is not as good as it should be. I should be happy to be in my home grown town. The M....famous for all the wrong reasons: The death of Martin Luther King Jr., The show the first 48 and of course Three Six Mafia. What about the positives like the food and the music?? And of course those Memphis Tigers baby!!!! Anyhoo. The trip wasn't that bad. I got to spend a lot of time with D.D.P. and all my god children. I didn't tell my family I was here. I didn't want to deal with any drama while I was here. I am going to see my grandma today before I leave but that is about it. I am also going to see my mom's grave. I haven't been in a very long time. My friend came with me but she is gone , I didn't want to take her with me cus I needed alone time with mom. I have a lot to talk about.I got to see a very special friend. I felt kind of weird at times cus sometimes I felt our friendship was more than that. And I don't want her girlfriend to feel that I am trying to mess up their relationship because I am not. I don't want to overstep my boundaries but I really do care about her a lot and wanting to get to know her more. Good friends are hard to come by and I know that she can be one. She doesn't like the distance between us but I can't really do anything about it right now,but just try to make the best of the situation. I also got to see the old roommate. Which sometimes is awkward for me because I never liked how our relationship ended the first go around and I never want to do anything for us to have to go back thru that again.


Anyway.....Have you ever been in love with someone and trying your best to move on but it is so hard?Especially when they are dating someone close to u? Sometimes I wish I didn't introduce her to people. And I am not saying this in a bad way but it just seems like she gets into my life to much sometimes. Don't get me wrong I am very happy with my new girl , it just takes a while to let go of the past u know??

And I know how it can be and that is why me and the new girl are taking our time. Do I love her?Not yet but we have time for that. We are still getting to know each other and she makes me happy and I want that for my friend to. It just seems that sometimes your friends have more power to hurt you then you would like for them to. People who care you about you the most sometimes,hurt you more then the people you consider the enemies. *sigh* Coming home brings up so many emotions ,and I just had to sit and listen to India Arie as I wrote this because I know I need to "Get It Together" to make my life better. Haters and more haters surround me but I will survive and come out on top. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. And even thru these words I type he is healing me because he is in my thoughts. He is I and I am him. Beautiful in my skin. The things I go thru mold me into the person that I still continuing to grow and be. And I am thankful for the good and the bad. Cus without bad how boring my life would be.

Love, Peace , and Hair grease!

Random

Ok so I noticed that I have been writing a lot about love....well there are other things going on in my life as well,lol. My job is going good so far. I have met some really cool people that I feel I could still kick it with even if I were to leave. I bid on my new schedule this week and I am hoping i get my four day schedule since I am going to have to work the weekends now (blah). But at least with that schedule I will have three days off in a row and get off an hour earlier then I do now(smile). This 9 is killing my CD game but I am still progressing lol. I have been talking to a lot of old friends a lot lately and let go of one in particular. I feel that not talking to him is a good thing because well, he is one of those people that would hold me back. He isn't doing anything to progress in life and there are only so many times you can tell a person advice without them listening to you.

On another random note....I finally got to go clothes shopping!!! Since I have been dating there really hasn't been much buying for me. I spoil people when I date them(one of my downfalls) and I decided it was time for me! It felt good lol. I still haven't heard from my family. (no surprise there). And for once it doesn't bother me as much as it once use to. My money game is getting back together with less stress which is always good and hopefully it will get even better after this three check month (yyyyeeessss!)I have gotten back to writing my poetry and hopefully will be able to share soon.

I still have dreams of moving in the next year,planning all that now. It is time to let go of the boro. It has been good to me but I want "newness". Anyway enough of the random lol.

Love so exciting and new lol

Hey all,

Even though I had a bad night last night of sleep I am actually in a good mood today. Love is a wonderful thing and especially when you have someone to share it with. One of my old high school friends sent me the link to his wedding site today. It made me feel good to know love is still ringing true. We dated while I was in high school and I didn't take the relationship seriously. But I knew when he met his Ro ,it was a match made in heaven. I heard about it even though I was nowhere in Memphis but away at college. I was like finally they got together lol.

But it is all good. I am hoping one day soon to say that I am in a relationship. I am definitely happy where I am and I couldn't ask for anything more. Patience is a virtue. And even though I don't have the title of "girlfriend" I know where her heart is and that is what matters to me right now. I am taking things one day at a time and wishing for the best.

"Something New" ,I watched that movie last night and I think about all my single friends and why they are all single. It is because you want try something new. You have to know how you want to be treated and not shy away from that just because of how someone looks. Everybody can't have that super fine man or woman but if they superfine to you then ,you are the only one that matters.

Love ,Peace and Hairgreese!

Text Messages

Ok I have loved this man since his first album. I am definitely feeling him on this song. The past week has been interesting and it reminds me of those times that I got those messages. You know the "I need u now" ,The " when you coming over or coming home??" lol . And you always know what is going to go down. The kissing , the hugging, the rubbing....lol. AHHH yes!!! If you don't have anyone to send you those messages,step it up! lol.Text messages!

New Love

I never thought last year I would be able to say this. But I am seriously talking to someone new. No drama ,no added incentives and no roommate included. It is a fine line sometimes between your past loves and your new love. But I feel I have finally crossed over. It was time. The past was a burden on my heart and my soul. I think that the planets are finally in focus for love,not just for me but for others as well. I look at all the people I tried to move on with last year and they are all in relationships now and very happy might I add. Which makes me happy,cus truth be known ,I try not to hate. If the next can bring you what I couldn't bring you,then by all means float float on lol. I know I did and I had to. It kind of just happened. It was very unexpected for me.



She stays in the apartment complex I know longer work for. That within itself is funny because if I still worked there, we couldn't date. No management was allowed to date anyone on property or I would have gotten fired. So in that I feel that it was planned out that way for me not to be there. Then on the other hand it is someone that in the past I probably wouldn't have even given a chance. It is funny how you look for love and you constantly go after the same thing over and over and you get the same result. It would seem that the light bulb would come on quicker that maybe I should start looking for something new. Instead we constantly go down this same road over looking wonderful people because they aren't what we are use to. I guess this summer has been different for a lot of people. Everyone that I know that has gotten into a relationship in the past couple of months are with people that people on the outside would look at them and say....that is not a person I would have seen them with. Including me. But hell I know I am happy and so are they so screw all the rest of y'all. lol. It make me feel good to have aspects of my life finally that I don't have to thin about or worry about. I'm happy. Very Happy!.

She is so sweet,and she understands that even a little affection can go a long way. And man those kisses are wonderful lol. She is a virgin which is even more special to me because I would be the first. And that means a lot. I cherish the opportunity if I get to be. I don't have to worry about her past or who she has been with. Which is refreshing in this day and age. Sometimes it is hard to date someone especially if you are constantly hearing about what they did with whom. I don't have to worry about that with her. Actually I don't have to worry about a lot of things. She likes me and I like her and to me I am in Heaven.....

A New World

Hi gang,

I haven't been here in a while for a good reason this time. I have a new job! And might I add a job that i actually like and depending on how the next couple of weeks go, i might can say i Love it . I know I know, its a complete 360 turn from where I was at the good ole Tar-Get but hey life goes on right? Well this wonderful new company is T-Mobile. I know I said i would never do the call center. But who else is going to put this $4.00 dollar gas in my car? But I love it so far. My training class is by far the best I have ever had at a big company,even the trainer himself. I have met a wonderful new friend,she is super cool and we have a lot in common. It's nice to have at least one buddy you can eat lunch with and not feel alone away from everyone. But our training class usually sticks together like glue ,so that isn't a problem.

The benefits are great and there are a lot of opportunities for bonuses and to move up to higher positions. Although it makes me wonder why more people don't try to. I mean since I have been in training I have applied for two jobs,cus personally I want to get back to my nice desk and my computer so I can do what I do. Plus I need to make sure that I am using my degree and getting some experience in my belt so I can get out of Tennessee. ( yes still on the move with that one) I have realized yet again that there is a new world out there for me just waiting to happen.So i have 7 more weeks of training if you include this week. two more weeks in the classroom and then we go to practicing on the phones. It seems like it is going to be a lot but what job doesn't , at the beginning.

There are a lot of things I don't get to do right now. Like go out of town ,or go to the gym. But I am not eating as much as I use to so that is still helping with the weight loss and not going out of town now means more trips in the fall. And I will have paid time off to do it. So it is not so bad. So I leave you with this public service announcement because I have to get ready for work! lol

Summer isn't so bad.....I think

OK so I love to travel...needless to say I haven't been anywhere this summer except home to Memphis. Which wasn't bad at all but I want more. It is so hard not being able to do what i want to do in my older years when it was so easy in my younger. Yet I am still young. Still a fresh 26 but I can't seem to do what I did at 21? Now working is becoming more of a chore then something I actually like to do. Love life was not what I wanted at that time but definitely more then what I have now.

Lifestyle changes...brokeness....the worst recession I think in my young life on this earth....fighting and battling inner feelings. I have a lot going on and I am ready for my happiness. My friend just recently wrote a blog about it and well I want what she has. Not necessarily the actual things she has but I want the happiness. It would be nice to wake up and not automatically worry as soon as I open my eyes.


I have let go of some past demons I think for good. It was hard but I had to do it to move to brighter stages in my life. Now I am ready to get out of Tn. I don't know where but I want to move. My big sister is moving to New York! I don't know if I want to go that far but I want to go. I need newness and that includes my love life and work. I want a job that I can honestly say I enjoy going to if it is just to be around the people. I start a new job tomorrow. T-mobile. never thought I would really do the customer call center thing. I despise getting yelled at everyday but we will see how it goes. Yes I have a master's degree and I am still doing jobs that people with no degree do?Wonder why I am not happy? I want to know what is the secret. What do I have to say to people to get that foot in the door. I want to just walk up to one of those buildings and say look,here I AM. The BEST thing that has every happened to your company.

Summer blues and summer happiness all rolled into one.....The events I have been to have been fun and have kept me out of the house and out of my own mind. Oh what will I do with the time I have left???

Love is a 4 letter word.

*sigh* why is it love is so hard. even starting a relationship these days seems to be like pulling teeth at the dentist. painful and sometimes a long process.My luck has not been the best as of the last two years and frankly i am just fed up. I don't want to go into it much but it should be known that you have to work hard for a person's trust but if you never give them a chance you never know what you are going to miss out on.

I found a great person and well I don't know if I will have a chance to prove myself. It is so hard trying to rid myself of my past without it being a issue in my present. *sigh* i just want to be happy is that possible????

A night of Dancing,Upsets and White Kids???

The B.E.T. awards. It is the one night that all black people actually watch B.E.T. I myself really only watch now to see what is new or to see my favorite artist on 106 and Park and I will watch Baldwin Hills or Park or whatever lol and College Hill. The B.E.T. awards were different this year....Get me a new host!! We barely saw D.L. and the times he did show he wasn't funny...moving along Necie Nash and the white kids...it was random but halfway funny. i think it might not have been the best joke for the night considering they are trying to branch out. That way I chalk up to the Viacom people. Do they own Clean House to???


If u didn't know the white man owns us again,yes the white man I said it . B.E.T. is now owned by Viacom who also owns MTV. Now in the past year there have been a lot of changes including playing each other's rerun shows on each station and B.E.T. having all of these Awful spin off shows to try and match the awful shows on Mtv. Just play Music Video's Dammit!!!!. Anyway the B.E.T. awards gives us African-Americans a night to shine the light on ourselves. This year I must admit thanks to certain people was pretty good.


I didn't get a good intro,no Beyonce dance , no "Jennifer's" with the " I am telling you" intro.

It was Usher. Now don't get me wrong I love Usher..Confessions was my JAM lol, but this new album is not good to me. And his performance last night was lackluster at best. He had to use a moving floor ,Chris Brown can skate across the floor using his body, no mechanical help needed. When your background dancers are out shining you ,that is a problem. It seems that now that Usher is a dad and married he looks 20 years older then he did two years ago. It is amazing how stars who were doing bad,made great music and now that they are happy it is not as good. I guess with R&B pain is love right?? Moving along...ok by now you know I am from MEMPHIS ,M-Town hoe!!! lol Always repping , and I love the performance by Young Jeezy and Kanye West. Jeezy seemed to be a lil high and there but still got thru it. Kanye came out with his usual swag and set it off. It finally got the crowd hype.

Now my girl Keyshia Cole. You know I ride with K. Cole. She is a good writer and she can sing however last night,that was not shown. She didn't sound up to par ,it was like she couldn't hear herself and it was throwing her off. I don't know about that one K. Cole. But Lil Kim did look good lol. Then the show took a turn..........

Now we all know that Ne-Yo is a writing Genus. The man comes with hit after hit,not just for himself but for other artist as well. He has one of the hardest hitters in the game right now and does the work to back it up. His performance might have been one of the biggest shockers of the night. He danced ,he performed and he brought out the Jabberwakees. It was on-point. I was proud of the kid. It was interesting because after Usher performed they put the camera on him and he had the look that said "it was good, but I got cha lol and He did get him cus his show was a lot better lol. Then there was the young one.

Chris Brown aka. Chris Brizzle b.k.a the Human Talent show. Everyone was waiting to see what the young boy could do. As always he gave a great performance with a lot of energy.That boy shole can dance lol. The scene with him and Ciara was short but still very effective. Rhianna watch ya back lol.

And of course I am home grown from Memphis ,Tn so to see Al Green with all of his Love and Happiness was truly special. Love me some Al Green lol. And where did they dig up Maxwell with the 80's baby glasses?? He still sound good though. A. keys stole the show as usual by bringing out En Vogue, Swv and TLC. Those were my groups back in the day. Did I really just say back in the day??( I just got a year older with that phrase lol). Swv was a real shock. I thought they would never get back together even for 5 seconds. and the one girl looked like she didn't want to. Lil Wayne won viewers choice no surprise there. People are still trying to lick the "rapper" on that one. Nelly ,Nelly ,Nelly. Milk does do a body good. And yet again Ciara came out with the dance moves and ripped it.

Tonight was definitely about the performance and there were some good ones. The sound quality could have been better but all in all I think it was a good show!

Love peace and Hair Grease!!