Sometimes I wonder if it just the fact that I am in TN or the fact that I just am a magnet for straight girls. Or I guess in this case bi-curious. For some reason lesbian girls never really take me serious. Some of my friends say I don't give off 'gay' vibes so it is hard to read me. I guess that is a good and a bad thing. Well lately I have been getting approached by girls that have never been with girls. I don't like busting people's "Cherry's " so to speak. Even though my first girl love I was her first but she was mine as well so that was an eve trade. I also have been attracting people that are already in relationships. And I do not want to be a home wrecker so those are completely out for me. But I wonder about the "straight" ones. I want to know what goes thru their head. Is it just a sexual thing?Or are they fighting those feelings that I once tried to fight about myself and how I felt about women.
I honestly think that some just like what they like and that may be a man or a woman. And some just want the experience for sexual purposes and never a longing relationship. I have never been one for the whole friends with benefits things because it always ends because one or both of the parties catches feelings. In this instance because these women have no idea what they are getting themselves into I think it would cause them a whole lot more grief then good feelings. But on the other hand the girls that I am most attracted to are the ones that have never been with a girl. *sigh* Guess that is why I am single now. I don't have a type or anything like that but I do like somewhat feminine women. Not to prissy but able to be a little tomboi at times. She has to like sports or at least be able to let m teach her so she can possible enjoy it a little just for my sake.
There are several 'straight" girls that I have my eye own. One knows that I have feelings for her. I have even taken her on a out of town spur of the moment trip. At the time she didn't know what I was doing. But it soon came out. She never once distanced herself or made me feel like she wanted me to stop the advances that i would try. But alas when my big moment,the chance to kiss her presented itself. I choked. I choked bad. I didn't try again after that to kiss her or anything but I still let it be known that feelings where there. I am a romantic type and I say a lot with my eyes as people tell me. So sometimes my looks say so much without ever having to open my mouth. I am actually quite shy when it comes to talking to people especially people I don't know well. So having game is not something I consider myself to have. So it isn't easy for me to just walk up to a girl or even really find the right thing to say in a myspace or downelink message. Do they have a class for Internet dating?You know a Internet messaging for dummies book?
So now I kind of look afar at all of my straight crushes. Wishing hoping that maybe I can get a second chance. I don't know maybe I need to work on my lesbian side lol. I don't give off enough vibe for them and well I am still pretty new to the game so that may have an effect on it. I am going to a party this weekend that will include 4 women I had dated or tried to talk to. Two lesbians,two not so lesbians.hhhhmmmm yea this is going to be interesting. I haven't seen two of them in awhile and all of them are subject to be there with their new significant others. Hopefully I won't make any mistakes to cause any drama. Only time will tell. It is amazing. For me not to be considered "lesbian" enough, I might have my first case of lesbian drama. GO figure. So i am single and ready to mingle.Maybe one day I will find a boo..but until then I party on!!
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