on and on and on

the world never stops moving. my thoughts seep thru my mind and a lot don't ever make it to this spectrum of word. the sounds of people that i deal with day in and day out always going thru my head. i deal with a lot. a lot of people. day in and day out. it never stops. i wonder sometimes do these people really care?do they care that i crave attention?do they care that i want to be loved just as they want to be loved?do they care that when they can't look at me when they talk that i know why. or the fact that yea you just rubbed that in my face and yes it did hurt like salt to a wound. so many times we get caught up in pettiness. why on earth do we put ourselves thru so much? well because we are human. we are going to mess up and makes mistakes.





“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32)





Forgiveness is hard to give sometimes. I know that right now i am dealing with the situation with my bff. she hurt me deeply ,words can never express how it is to love someone and have it taken away because of lies. I would have done anything for her. I once told her I would jump in front of a car to save her life because I loved her that much and I knew that God would look over me. You don't break someones heart that loves you like that,especially over little lies. Basically she was having another relationship on the side. Nothing was done as far as sex,goes but kissing and being with each other holding hands and what not is to much when you are suppose to be in a relationship with someone else. She said she didn't realize what was going on,but how can I really believe that. She told me once before that she had feelings for her but it was nothing serious. If it wasn't serious then why would u lie about it? The other girl we will call MayMay for writing purpose, is really cool with me. She never knew what was going on between me and bff.



She always said that if we were more than friends she would never do anything with bff because she didn't want to hurt my feelings. And I hope that deep down inside if she had really known,she wouldn't have done those things with bff. May May was really hurt by what happened and for good reasons. You can't lead two people on and expect neither of them to get hurt. It doesn't work that way. The reason she got caught wasn't even between the three of us. Basically me and May May have a mutual friend ,for writing purposes she will be recie. Recie is my closest friend here in the small town and well she couldn't take it anymore. Basically she was in the middle listening to me and May May talk about bff. And when it hit the fan it hit the fan. I called May May in bff presence and let her hear anything and everything that she had to say. I couldn't say anything that night I was so hurt.





it is hard to forgive sometimes. when a person does something to you over and over again it is hard. In the past year I have felt a lot of pain. It is sad sometimes because well I don't have that one person that I could talk to about anything. My mom never judged me . She took in every word I said and reassured me that it was all just apart of life and god would lead me thru. So many times your friends or your spouse will judge you. They may never physically say it but they will. As I have stated before in past writings....I don't like people who lie. Someone close to me has been lying. Lying about little things....lying about big things. It is has gone over a very long period of time. But even though they have been doing it for a long time, It took only a moment for it to come to the light. Nothing that you do in darkness will ever stay there,especially if it is bad against another person.Bff couldn't even say she was sorry to me that night all she was concerned about was May May.





Bff is one of the closet people to me so when she lied to me it hurt far more then I would have ever thought. The whole situation has caused so many inner issues with me that at times I really don't like what I think about that person. I changed a lot to be with this person and to find out that most of it was a lie well it hurts,it is no other way to put it ,it just hurts. Time and time again I ask myself why did I make the decision that I made and I can't hide from it I loved that person.

Forgiveness.....she has mine but at a price....I will forgive but never forget....

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