Being Thankful and Ungreatful all at the same time....

You look at the title and say ,well how can that be?When you have anger inside of you sometimes it is hard to let go and still be glorified that you have so much.And these thoughts made me wonder about my life at the current moment. Everyone knows that I am a nerd,I love the computer. And if you don't know then you don't know me at all. Anyway...I have lived away from my hometown for over 7 years now....going home for summer breaks ,holidays,the usual college student trips. Now me and my friends were a close nit bunch the first couple of years. We always knew what we were going to do each break and who we were going to be spending our time with. It was simply....so simply....back in the day.

Now with a lot of my friends it seems we are in two different worlds. I am not a phone person. I don't like the hotness on my face after a 3 hour convo and I don't have many. If you call me I'll talk all night long . If I call you unless you are busy we can do the same. But please don't get mad at me and say I am doing wrong if we never talk....because you won't call me back or answer my phone calls, my texts,my face book or myspace messages. I have been accused. Accused of not being a Friend,even though I have tried to make things work,this goes for family and friends. It is hard when you write letters and get no response. You text and get no response. You call and never get a answer or a call back. It hurts to know that people don't think you care when all you do is think and pray for them daily that they are OK.I try to email and text as much as possible....some people are cool that that is all we do at least I know that they are ok and I still know what is going on in their world. My friends are important to me and I do like to know that they are ok.

Nosey?I have been called nosey because I constantly ask how are you doing?your moods and feelings can change every hour and because I ask everyday I am nosey?I thought I was being concerned but I guess I was wrong to think that. It never occurred to me that so many people could consider me ugly,nosey,"not their type" cool but not trust me(when you never tried to). And I never thought I could be judged so much for someone's actions when me and that person are not the same.Friends turn their backs on you as soon as you will open your heart to them.

I have people who email me at least once a month that in the past.....I wouldn't have cared if we talked or not. But those are the people that I have in my life that make the effort now. And I show that appreciation back. If you talk to me I will talk to you. I have my faults in the sense that I don't visit like I should. But I am not financially where I need to be and unless someone is going to give me some gas money(cus lord knows it is high) I just can't do it all the time. I always do it when I have time off and the money to do so. It is never an issue. But I would like for my trips to be enjoyable. It hurts to come home and you have told your family you were coming and nobody be there to greet you. It hurts that all of your friends are busy and no one has time. Why come home to that?

I have a lot to be Thankful for this holiday season. My roommate even though we have been thru hell and back ,has been there for me. Her family for the last three years has taken me in as if I am there own. Her little cousins write me more than my own family. Her mom and dad visit ,when my own dad does not. So I am thankful....Thankful that I do have my own family even thru all the faults because I know even though things may be rough...they wouldn't leave me in the streets. I am thankful for my grandma.......she loves me more than her life...I am coming home to see you granny....you are my light!!!!. I am thankful for my dad and sisters....I wouldn't be part of the person I am if it were not for you. I want to thank my cousins....you gave me a good path to follow. I want to thank the Timberlake family....for allowing me another year to grace myself with your presence. I want to thank my roommate who keeps me on my toes and shows me things about the world I definitely needed to learn in my young age. I want to thank my FRIENDS. Even the ones I don't talk to .....I have some anger but that is part of life. I forgive you for what you have done and what you will do. No one is perfect not even myself. If I have ever considered you a friend.....it means that in some aspect of my life you meant something to me and showed me something I needed to see. I must be thankful for that.

And I am thankful for forgiveness. I must admit thru 2007 I have felt a lot of pain and a lot of anger. People aren't always going to treat you how you want to be treated. And I have learned I have to deal with that. I have given when I had none left to give....I gave my heart and had it shattered. I gave my strength and had it taken away. But thru it all God has blessed me to still have so much and I am thankful.I haven't been the best person at all times and i apologize for that. Many times it is difficult to really know how to handle situations and well I know I have messed up some this year, more than I ever have in my life.

God is great and God is Good, And we thank God for our food; By God's hand we must be fed, Give us Lord, our daily bread. Amen.

Always remember it is more than just food...be thankful for what you have and definitely be thankful for who you have.

Many Blessings to you ALL!!!