Boys...will be Boys...I need a MAN

Ok so I went home this weekend and of course I had to see all my friends from high school. The Bff crew was in full effect. We didn't have our usual kick it moment because well everyone is grown now and has their own things going on. But we still try to see each other at least for a moment. So BFF came to the house and well we sat in the car and chatted for a minute. Of course I had Cd's for everybody lol. Anyway it was nice to see her and catch up because we don't talk much anymore and it's nice to know she hasn't completely turned her back on me,which made me happy.

Then their is the Sanders. he is my homeboy from back in the day. i think out of any of the males, I have the most fun with him. he always got something good to talk about lol. He and the roommate get along now which I am happy about. I didn't want that to become a problem. Anyways saw his new house for the first time . It is really nice. He is doing well for himself and I couldn't be happier for him. He is one of the people I miss most in Memphis. I really do.

Now to the one that is the topic of this post. A.D. He has made it a point to make our relationship all about sex for the last two weeks and this weekend was no exception. I don't know what is wrong with him but he wanted me to diss my company to go see him. This is not what I came here for and it is to why he didn't get to see me at all. He just kept pissing me off,sending funky texts and all that. Negro please! He said we slept together but honestly folks, I don't even remember it. That is not something you forget,especially when you see this person all the time. I'm like what the hell?? And that is all he seemed to want this weekend and I was a no go on that because I don't see him that way. I mean who forgets about the sex? If it was that bad that I forgot about it I definitely don't want to repeat it. So to you sir, don't text me again till you get your mind right.....moving along(vent over)

All in all the dudes are the same in Memphis. trying to be way more thuggish then they are. It is sad how men seem to get stuck in a label and don't know how to make their way out of it. One difference in my crew. Dressing nice is a must. How you present yourself means so much because for some people ,that is the only impression they get of you. So you better make it a good one!

Peace.

Chicken..weddings...and Girls

Well world I went back home to Memphis this weekend. It was a much needed getaway. Not thinking about work,bills or anything else that stresses me out on a everyday basis. I stayed at my aunt and uncle house which is always an experience every time i come home. They were happy to see us(me and the roommate). Everything seemed to be going well until I found out that my room was no longer my room. The children have moved back in and well needless to say ,I have no room anymore. But it was cool, I just need someone to lay my head.Well it was also my family reunion(which i knew nothing about). So the house was full of chicken,chicken and more chicken. And to two people who have been down on their luck,getting free food was an extra bonus. lol. I had so much chicken this weekend I really felt I was going to turn into a chicken,lol.

My uncle is catering now. So that is why it was so much chicken. It is nice to know that he is still working with what he loves. He has always been about chicken and is going to forever be about chicken. He has his own recipes and his own talent and it makes for good eating. I hope to one day be able to truly do what I love and still be able to have the life that I want. Nothing has stopped since the family business left and I am good with that. He also helps take care of my grandma,which I am grateful for because I could not do it on my own. So I thank God for family.

That night saw J. No baby this trip but it was nice seeing him. I'm glad that the three of us have mended our fences and can actually be around each other and not fight. It is a good thing. Plus it was nice to help him get out the house for a change and it not be a family function. Pretty much didn't do anything but family time the first night. Got to get that in every trip or heads will roll. By the way did u see the Celtics comeback the other night??More to come on that later....

Well Saturday comes around and we get up to go to the mall. Had to get the fits right for the occasion. A 30 minute trip to the mall(which hardly ever happens) and we were good to go. Went to my sister's house to see my dad. I haven't seen him face to face in almost two years. And we only stay 3 hours away from each other,something is wrong with that huh?Well with the cost of gas these days it might be another two before we see each other. Anyway it went well,he even gave my roommate a hug and a kiss. Which startled me . He never showed affection to anyone around me. HHHHmmmmm. So we move along to the wedding.

Now I knew this young lady from college. She is a Delta . Crossed with my roomie. Needless to say I usually don't go to the delta functions because I get left by myself. But I went to this one and I am glad I did. Not only did I get a good trip home but at the reception I saw a lot of people I had not seen in a long time. A.T. a good personal friend of the family as well as a Delta. My girl D. Track from high school. Had not seen her since we went on our separate ways to college. She is doing well just like everyone else and we spent most of the reception catching up on us and everyone else we talk to from high school. It is nice to know that everyone is doing well. I couldn't ask for more as a leader of my class. Then the music!!! We had all the Memphis throwbacks and it was cool to get "crunk" at least for a little second before leaving. I love my black people. We do know how to have a good time. lol

Now on Sunday was father's day and the big dinner. Finally got to see my sister and even more time with the niece and nephew. My sister and I finally got a moment alone and I told her about my bisexual life. To my surprise she already knew. In her words "I'm your sister" "if i don't know ,that would be bad on me". So there you have it. My siblings now know and don't care. In fact they love the girl that I am in love with. And that is all right with me. So that lifted a weight off my shoulder. And once she said that the way my dad was acting I think he knows to. He has never been a father that stopped me from doing anything as long as it didn't hurt me. He has always let us make our own decisions and for that I am grateful and well I think he is cool with my lifestyle to. Cus if sister knows,then I know he does.

So Memphis was cool , I might go back 4th of July and I am actually excited about it. More to come about the trip to the M!!!!

Rocking them Jordan's

Ok I have never really been a Jordan(shoe) fan but the song is hot. Nelly is coming with some fire on this album. I haven't been impressed with a lot of rappers lately. But I am in anticipation of the Brass Knuckles album. Check out the new video.





and check out that Ciara move oh my goodness!

NBA Basketball is fantastic!!!

It is going down this week. probably the best finals since my younger years. Definitely the best one since I have been in college. The two titans of the NBA this year. Number one in the east and west. The lakers handing everybody their heads in the playoffs. The celtics are battled tested and ready for anything. This is the time for Kobe to prove he can get a championship without Shaq. it is time for the big three in Boston to make their first trip to the finals and either put up or shut up. My money is on Boston. I don't see the K to the G letting this one slip out of his hands. This may be the one and only chance at greatness. Paul P. has been on lack luster teams with Boston before now and I think it is time to finish off the way they wanted to from the beginning of the season. Now don't get me wrong, the KOBE's are not going to let Boston walk over them. The regular season proved that Boston was the better team winning both times they met , but that was a team without Paul Gasol and a team that was still finding their way but winning.The first was November 23 in Boston, and the 10-1 Celtics beat the 7-5 Lakers 104-97. The second was December 30 in L.A., when the 26-3 Celtics beat the 19-11 Lakers 110-91.I say Boston will take it in 6. We will see how right I am starting Thursday night.

"Will the Celtics let Bryant fire away from long-range, and if so, will Bryant convert?
If the regular season is any guide, there's a championship in the balance."(Henry Abbott,ESPN)

Go Celtics!

picture of words

As I look at your smile all my worries fade away
The warmth of your seduction leading me on a new path of desire
The gloss of your lips has me thinking about grabbing you and, making love to you till we become
Wet with the fever of heat and bodies racing.
The temptation of your dark eyes sends a spiral of emotions thru my body.
It is as if they look deep into my soul and speak words unspoken to anyone else
Damn you got me going…going into the ecstasy of mind-blowing revelations of me and u
Even when you pout the smoothness of your skin wants me to embrace it with kisses from my
Lips…telling your emotions to run free.
Run free from those others who have left footprints behind for me to step into and to step into
Your love.
So blissful and needing it, is like a rush of wanting, wanting to be caressed, kissed, licked and rubbed.
Longing for that moment when two minds become one
And engage in a passionate moment.
All from the look of that picture
were your eyes meet, never to know in the real
If it is ever meant to be.

Hopelessly hopeless

Pussy Money Weed

Ok I am like the biggest hip-hop head and well there tends to be a song every now and then that I have to listen to everyday so i can get into the deeps of it. and well right now that song is coming from lil wayne.

peep it out....

Kanye West Flashing Lights

This is another verison of the Flashing Lights video. I think I like this one better. What do you think?


Kanye West Flashing Lights Video (Version 2) from RockBox on Vimeo.

Your body

I watch you when you are enjoying me.

As I kiss you from head to toe, tasting all of your nectar

The embrace of our bodies causing an organic irruption.

You crave my purple kisses all over your body

sending chills down your spine like only I can do.

You got my attention what are you going to do with it?

You move in front of the mirror, I take you from behind.

I seduce you with every move of our bodies to the music.

I love how you work your body

moving your thighs side to side.

I move my hand up to touch your breast.

You moan with desire.

I know that your pussy is on fire

I slowly move down ,turn you around and stick my tongue in to cool you down.

I move you to the bed as you reach down to scratch my back.

I tell you to relax but you can't.

You wrap your legs around my head and start to squeeze.

I cum up for a second to kiss you and tell you to let me do my thing. You moan with desire

as I slip my fingers in and just gaze into your eyes.

I work my way back down and replace my fingers with my tongue.

You reach down for my head and you push hard letting me know you are almost there.

I start to lick harder inserting my tongue into your pussy.

You moan and then i feel a gush as you shake uncontrollably.



I come up and look into your eyes , you jump up and grab me and we roll on the bed.

you whisper to me ,that you want to make love.

You undress me and we begin to kiss.

your body is sweating against mine. You kiss my breasts as I hold yours. You kiss down my body not missing a spot.

U reach my pussy and you begin to explore

My heart is racing as you begin to lick my pussy.

my temperature is rising I can't take it and you know it.

You begin to go harder and harder .

I grab your head and you know I am about to cum

You thrust your tongue into my pussy

and I climax.



We move to the shower and we begin to wash each other. Your body is so sexy

i can't help but stick those pretty titties in my mouth again. The water is running down our bodies, but i can still feel you getting wet...



And we start all over again...

damn your body.

Life Lessons

OK so it is summertime. The weather is in the 80's the sun is shinning and everything seems good with the world. Well almost everything. I am not in a relationship,which is partly by choice and circumstance. I don't like my job. Love to shop at target but working there sucks. gas is almost $4 and by the time I finish writing this it might just be at $4. And the world as my short life has known has dramatically changed. What is there to say about the life that I live. Well I hope in the near future it is going to get a whole lot easier then it is now. I want to travel this summer. The major plans right now are D.C. and Chicago. I have a sister in the Chi and two close friends in D.C. It is nice to have people in places that you can visit. The hard part is getting there.

I also have a new friend. She is a pretty cool chick I must admit. And she is doing something that I have never thought about. She is living out a dream of teaching overseas in Korea. It looks beautiful there. I couldn't imagine the changes you have to go thru living in a culture that you know nothing about. I am sure that it is fun and is a learning experience everyday. She is like me in a lot of ways. We have good conversation. It is nice to talk to someone who is going thru a lot of things you are. We both have people who have our hearts but we are single. It makes it hard to open yourself up to someone new until you let go and well I know I am not ready to right now.

The NBA finals are going on and right now both teams that I wanted to be in it are in it. L.A. and Boston. It brings a old feel back to the game to see both of those teams with so many championships between them back at the top. This would be one of the more exciting finals we have had in a long time. I have never been a spurs fan. Tony Parker I give props to him because when he drives to the whole no one can stop him. But as a team I don't like them. Watching them is like watching paint dry on a wall. Don't get me wrong they win and I know this. But they are still boring in doing so.

Well that is it for now I will go more into detail about life later.

Long Time Coming

Wow it has been a minute so much has happened in a two month span. It is amazing how time slips by and i realize I haven't wrote anything. Tonight was my usual Thursday night with Grey. I love that show. It is like really looking into some one's head and surprisingly me and Meredith have way to much in common on a daily basis.

"don't wonder why people go crazy,wonder why they don't"- Meredith Grey

In my life I have plenty of moments where crazy turned into reality. For the people around me I am the smile and the light. The one that can make it thru everything. On the inside I am a totally wreck. Hiding things that I feel the world doesn't need to know. Just like Meredith I saw a therapist. And I wanted her to fix me. No one even knew that I saw one. In high school it's a wonder as to when I actually had time. But sometimes you need that person that is not connected to you in anyway ,but to be paid to sit there and listen. Just listen. In this world to many people don't take the time to just sit in silence. We are surrounded by so much that takes up our time. I learned after my mother's death that I needed to sit in silence. There was so much I didn't know and didn't understand. A lot of it was not for me to understand and still isn't. My dad thought i was going to drive myself crazy. And in a certain way I needed to. Who doesn't cry when their mother dies?? I didn't. I bottled it up and kept on with my life like it was something that was suppose to happen. And in essence it is. There is life and death. There is no way to escape either, it is inevitable, YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. You just never know when ,how or where it may happen. It is all a part of the plan. Your life is a plan with steps,issues and different levels.

So one day just like Grey did at the end of the show. I had to really look at my situation and realize what had happened to me. And well needless to say I went crazy and I lost it. I cried and cried and cried. Nothing could stop me for hours. I was mad, I was mad at the fact that I didn't do this sooner. I was mad at the fact that my mom was not there to hold me and show me the world as she had promised. I was mad at the people around me because they took for granted what I didn't have. In life we picture things as we would like them to be,but it hardly ever turns out that way. In someway it is going to be different. Even if you dream of being a superstar it is going to be something about that stardom you aren't ready for, or was not wanting. Even though my mom is not here I know that I am still doing the things in my life that I would have done even if she was here. I would just have her here, that would be the difference. Sure somethings would be different,like what school i went to,or where i am living, but I would still have grown into the same successful person because I am doing things I always wanted to do.So never think that going crazy is a bad thing. You need to go crazy. Sitting in silence is not going crazy. It is talking to God,Jesus ,maybe even yourself. No-one knows you better. Words of mere mortals will never really take away any pain or thoughts you may have, but just having someone to LISTEN to you allows you to listen to yourself. And in that hind-sight you will then begin to heal.God will always be a portal no matter what. He knows what you feel and what is going on in your head even when you don't want him to listen. So everyone has someone that will LISTEN and never judge. But in that you also have to sit back and be still and LISTEN .....he will give you your tools but you have to be silent to get that touch.

I'm out