*sigh* It seems every time I come home it is not as good as it should be. I should be happy to be in my home grown town. The M....famous for all the wrong reasons: The death of Martin Luther King Jr., The show the first 48 and of course Three Six Mafia. What about the positives like the food and the music?? And of course those Memphis Tigers baby!!!! Anyhoo. The trip wasn't that bad. I got to spend a lot of time with D.D.P. and all my god children. I didn't tell my family I was here. I didn't want to deal with any drama while I was here. I am going to see my grandma today before I leave but that is about it. I am also going to see my mom's grave. I haven't been in a very long time. My friend came with me but she is gone , I didn't want to take her with me cus I needed alone time with mom. I have a lot to talk about.I got to see a very special friend. I felt kind of weird at times cus sometimes I felt our friendship was more than that. And I don't want her girlfriend to feel that I am trying to mess up their relationship because I am not. I don't want to overstep my boundaries but I really do care about her a lot and wanting to get to know her more. Good friends are hard to come by and I know that she can be one. She doesn't like the distance between us but I can't really do anything about it right now,but just try to make the best of the situation. I also got to see the old roommate. Which sometimes is awkward for me because I never liked how our relationship ended the first go around and I never want to do anything for us to have to go back thru that again.
Anyway.....Have you ever been in love with someone and trying your best to move on but it is so hard?Especially when they are dating someone close to u? Sometimes I wish I didn't introduce her to people. And I am not saying this in a bad way but it just seems like she gets into my life to much sometimes. Don't get me wrong I am very happy with my new girl , it just takes a while to let go of the past u know??
And I know how it can be and that is why me and the new girl are taking our time. Do I love her?Not yet but we have time for that. We are still getting to know each other and she makes me happy and I want that for my friend to. It just seems that sometimes your friends have more power to hurt you then you would like for them to. People who care you about you the most sometimes,hurt you more then the people you consider the enemies. *sigh* Coming home brings up so many emotions ,and I just had to sit and listen to India Arie as I wrote this because I know I need to "Get It Together" to make my life better. Haters and more haters surround me but I will survive and come out on top. I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. And even thru these words I type he is healing me because he is in my thoughts. He is I and I am him. Beautiful in my skin. The things I go thru mold me into the person that I still continuing to grow and be. And I am thankful for the good and the bad. Cus without bad how boring my life would be.
Love, Peace , and Hair grease!
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