Sad and Happy Days

For the first time in a very long time I am sad. I am usually not the one that is sad. I am the one that helps others get over their sadness. Ironically enough they are telling me the same things I have told them time after time. And I just like them don't want to listen. Now that I am actually going thru my own sadness, I understand now what some of them meant by letting them do them. I don't really want to be bothered right now. I want to have my cries and my frustration moments. I don't think I should have to justify my actions or how I feel. I got done wrong and nobody can change that now. People want me to do things for them,when nobody thought of doing things for me. It puzzles me how in this life even after someone has done something horrible to you they turn around and are the same people that want you to do something for them. Older people always say not to burn your bridges with people because you never know when you will need them. I have in my past burned some myself . And in a sense I still pay for that even today.

The old boo and I just aren't seeing eye to eye on this situation. It is very difficult to get over the fact that someone that was suppose to be both of our friends,did me wrong. To let you in....I was dating this girl. And we had become associated with two other girls we will name them Kuestion and Answer. They are a couple and Answer has two kids. Well usually how it worked out was i was (bff) with kuestion and old boo was (bff) with Answer. From the beginning I always thought there was an attraction between old boo and Answer. But I tried not to pay attention. Well this past Friday Answer was at our apartment and decided to tell me that they did in fact have very strong feelings for each other. Both of them! And that they had kissed. No telling what else they have done. Well needless to say that I have nothing more to say to Answer. I feel genuinely like I was stabbed in the back. She knew how I felt about old boo and the situation we had and she decided regardless of what or how I would feel that she was going to continue to be around her. It sucks. Maybe I am making to much out of it but it hurts and right now I can't help it.

Kuestion and Answer have been having a lot of issues lately. Some of which having to do with how Kuestion feels about old boo. She has always thought they were messing around as well. Of course she has not been let on to what has been going on and may never be told. *sigh* it is all just one big mess. I have never thought I would know so many people especially one I was in love with to mess with people that are in marriages and in relationships. I know that you can't always help who you have feelings for but I feel out of respect for peoples lives and relationships if you think you can't stay in your position and stay in your lane then you need to take yourself out of that situation. Now don't get me wrong I have done wrong in my past as well . But that was a one time thing. I never did it before that and I haven't done it since. I was dating a guy who decided to get a girlfriend on the side but continue the relationship that we had. Needless to say he ended up with neither of us. But thru that I realized the type of person I didn't want to become. Lesson Learned. A part of me feels I am going thru all of this as a way of Karma coming back to get me for the wrong that I did. Who knows all I know is I want this feeling to leave me. I want my life back that I feel was taken away from me right from under me. Sometimes I wish I could push a button like on those staple commercials and get rid or people or issues that I have. With Kuestion and Answer having so many problems it is a chance that they may break up leaving the door ride open for the old boo to move in. This is not making me happy at all seeing as how I was done and she is getting way better treatment then me. This is not the typical situation where I can just pack up a relationship put it in a box never to be heard from again. It is way more complicated then that. There is no running or hiding from this one. Whatever happens,happens dead on in my face.*sigh* this is going to be on going and I don't know when this roller coaster will end........


On a bright note...i went on a interview and actually got a job today. It is still not a job that shows all the hard work I put into my education but at least now I will have some kind of paycheck coming in. I will still have to do my hustling doing photography and all that but at least I will have some help instead of none at all. I want to be able to help my roommate and not feel like I am living off her. So one sunshine moment in my last 72 hours.I am blessed for it and I hope it works out till I can find something that I really want. The boss was cussing thru my whole interview so at least it will give me some entertainment if nothing else.