I have a friend who started to get her womanly intuition last week. Her girl usually lets her go thru her phone no problem there. She has nothing to hide right. So one day the gf goes into the shower and my friend Lil Bit, looks thru the phone. She finds texts that don't seem to be to innocent. She doesn't say anything to the gf at that point but she does remember what they say for future use. So another day they are sitting chilling and the gf leaves her phone out again. This time there are texts from a number that aren't saved and she has responded back to the texts. "i want to do bad things to you in person just not over the phone". So of course Lil Bit is angry as hell at this point but she still doesn't say anything. She plans to get her gf drunk so she can get the full truth. Her gf is known to lie to her face several times before ,so she feels the only way to get the truth is to fill her with spirits. She called me Sunday to tell me this plan and it would go into effect that night. Now all the while she is planning this I am thinking to myself. You kissed me and we made out for hours but she doesn't know anything about that... Secrets,secrets,and more secrets. Did I feel like we were doing anything wrong when we did it?Honestly no and I would do it all over again. I actually tried to get her to come over again,but we will discuss that later.
So I didn't hear back from her Sunday night so I assumed that the talk went on as planned. I texted her Monday after work and asked was everything OK,she called me. "hell no" is what she said. The gf basically tried to lie to her face but once she could recite the texts word for word,that didn't go over to well. We didn't get to finish our convo but from the sounds of it ,she is mad. But will she leave the gf of course not. Lil Bit doesn' want to give up the financial backing that the gf gives her. I think it would take for her to walk in on another girl or man(which the gf swears she doesn't mess with). For her to kick her to the curb. Later on when I didn't hear back from her, I offered a relaxing massage and some other things. She went along with the text but of course she didn't come over. It is a cat and mouse game for me. I just want to conquer a conquest I have had my mind on for awhile. No strings attached. The one night we were together she was happy and had a smile on her face. Something I don't think with her gf she does enough of. She said that certain things had gotten better but now all of this has happened. She said if gf really pushes her to the edge she will never date another girl.
hhhmmmmm never say never..............
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
letting go and moving forard
It is so hard to let go of love. It picks at you every second and you think about it all the time. Country D is starting to move on and well part of me doesn't want her to. She left this morning to spend time with "the other woman". Now I must say for the first time in months she actually didn't lie to me and told me truthfully where she was going. So I guess this is the clean start we needed. But it still hurt all the same. I really loved her. This was my first girl love. Will I have a chance at another? All the women I was interested in or am are either taken or just not feeling me in that way. I am trying to be patient but it is a hard virtue to have. I am happy with myself and enjoy spending time with friends but I am a very affectionate person and I don't like not getting affection in a romantic way. I start my new job next week so hopefully that will help take my mind off of things for awhile. Something new to jump into. I will hopefully meet some new people and be able to see things a little differently since I won't be broke.
ATL from a previous blog will be working not to far away from me. She mentioned it to me the other day when we talked. She is still with her girlfriend,although I still don't think she is happy. But I still won't do anything with her. I just wouldn't want anyone to do that to me. karma is a bitch. And I don't want her entering my life anytime soon. I have to stay in the friend zone and just continue to do me and focus on other people. I do like her a lot but even if they broke up I would still have to give her time and well,time waits for no man. I don't like sitting idle on the sidelines waiting for things to happen. I make life happen. But maybe that is why I have had so much time to myself. It was time for me to sit back and really think about where my life and relationships were going. This is a day of a lot of thinking. Starting the week off with a jumbled mind....
ATL from a previous blog will be working not to far away from me. She mentioned it to me the other day when we talked. She is still with her girlfriend,although I still don't think she is happy. But I still won't do anything with her. I just wouldn't want anyone to do that to me. karma is a bitch. And I don't want her entering my life anytime soon. I have to stay in the friend zone and just continue to do me and focus on other people. I do like her a lot but even if they broke up I would still have to give her time and well,time waits for no man. I don't like sitting idle on the sidelines waiting for things to happen. I make life happen. But maybe that is why I have had so much time to myself. It was time for me to sit back and really think about where my life and relationships were going. This is a day of a lot of thinking. Starting the week off with a jumbled mind....
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
You Don't Have to Lie to Kick It
Well I have been doing some reflecting on my past relationship with Country D. She always had an issue with lying to me about the smallest things to cover up big things. Now two months ago when we were still romantically involved,she was basically falling in love with another woman behind my back. And not just anyone...someone that was both our friend. Needless to say the other person told me and Country D didn't. So we have been trying to work on just being friends. I don't know if that is always possible after you breakup with someone. True some of the guys I dated a long time ago I can still talk to but most of those relationships happened during those weird growing up years where you don't really know yourself anyway. But she continues to lie to me. One day she was sitting next to me and I saw her text the girl that caused all the confusion in our household in the first place.
Now I wasn't mad at the fact that they were talking and the last thing I heard was that we weren't talking to each other but It had come abundantly clear to me days before that they had been talking. And if I ask you a simple question of "Have you talked to her?" shouldn't be able to get a simple and truthful response . Especially if we are trying to gain trust back that had been so bluntly thrown out the window.So I ask again after I have seen the texts and she says so no. Lie number one. So again I am by her phone one morning and I do not condone looking thru people's phones because 9 times out of 10 you are going to find something that is going to make you mad. And it may not always be what you think you are reading but something that is going to be taken in the wrong context.But I didn't have to look because the missed call that was blowing up her phone was from that girl. So again I ask her. "Has she been talking to the girl?" And again I get the reply that no it has been a month since I have talked to her. Now I will give her the fact that she may not have talked to her in Jan when all of this took place but as far as Feb goes...it is a wrap on that. You have been talking to her. And damn near every other day. Lie Number two
So this weekend my friend came to visit and before he got in the car I noticed that the cell phone box that had previously been in her back seat was gone. I asked her had she given it back to the girl because it was hers and she said yes a month ago before all this stuff took place or around that time because that was the last time she had seen her.Lie number three. Now I knew that this was a lie because about a week and half ago I lost my zune(sad face) and I looked in her car and my car for it and the box was still there. Big ass white box. I am not blind nor am i crazy so you just lied to me again. She just does not understand ,everytime I have caught her in a lie it is because I already knew the truth before I asked her the question. It is very hard for me to honestly call someone my friend when they can so easily lie to me. Maybe I just know that unless it is something about my life , I won't lie about it but as far as her being a friend to me she will always lie to me. And I can't trust her to not to. She wonders why i get so mad about lying. I just don't feel that it is right. Especially when it is something pointless.
I told her when I wrote the girl to make amends for the situation. I told her what the girl said. It was no big deal to me. I don't like to hold grudges or stay mad at people for long. So i texted her. Now I could have lied and acted like I hadn't talked to her either but what is the point? Now don't get me wrong I have told little white lies before and never spoke of them again. And I know people probably lie to me all the time. But it still is a pet peeve. And I guess it is when the lie is not really being used for good. If it is something that you know that person is going to find out about and that the lie will make things a whole lot worse then the truth would have I say just go with the truth. "Everything that Happens in the Dark Will Come to the Light".
Now I wasn't mad at the fact that they were talking and the last thing I heard was that we weren't talking to each other but It had come abundantly clear to me days before that they had been talking. And if I ask you a simple question of "Have you talked to her?" shouldn't be able to get a simple and truthful response . Especially if we are trying to gain trust back that had been so bluntly thrown out the window.So I ask again after I have seen the texts and she says so no. Lie number one. So again I am by her phone one morning and I do not condone looking thru people's phones because 9 times out of 10 you are going to find something that is going to make you mad. And it may not always be what you think you are reading but something that is going to be taken in the wrong context.But I didn't have to look because the missed call that was blowing up her phone was from that girl. So again I ask her. "Has she been talking to the girl?" And again I get the reply that no it has been a month since I have talked to her. Now I will give her the fact that she may not have talked to her in Jan when all of this took place but as far as Feb goes...it is a wrap on that. You have been talking to her. And damn near every other day. Lie Number two
So this weekend my friend came to visit and before he got in the car I noticed that the cell phone box that had previously been in her back seat was gone. I asked her had she given it back to the girl because it was hers and she said yes a month ago before all this stuff took place or around that time because that was the last time she had seen her.Lie number three. Now I knew that this was a lie because about a week and half ago I lost my zune(sad face) and I looked in her car and my car for it and the box was still there. Big ass white box. I am not blind nor am i crazy so you just lied to me again. She just does not understand ,everytime I have caught her in a lie it is because I already knew the truth before I asked her the question. It is very hard for me to honestly call someone my friend when they can so easily lie to me. Maybe I just know that unless it is something about my life , I won't lie about it but as far as her being a friend to me she will always lie to me. And I can't trust her to not to. She wonders why i get so mad about lying. I just don't feel that it is right. Especially when it is something pointless.
I told her when I wrote the girl to make amends for the situation. I told her what the girl said. It was no big deal to me. I don't like to hold grudges or stay mad at people for long. So i texted her. Now I could have lied and acted like I hadn't talked to her either but what is the point? Now don't get me wrong I have told little white lies before and never spoke of them again. And I know people probably lie to me all the time. But it still is a pet peeve. And I guess it is when the lie is not really being used for good. If it is something that you know that person is going to find out about and that the lie will make things a whole lot worse then the truth would have I say just go with the truth. "Everything that Happens in the Dark Will Come to the Light".
Friday, February 6, 2009
Dating a Straight Woman or Any Woman For that matter
Sometimes I wonder if it just the fact that I am in TN or the fact that I just am a magnet for straight girls. Or I guess in this case bi-curious. For some reason lesbian girls never really take me serious. Some of my friends say I don't give off 'gay' vibes so it is hard to read me. I guess that is a good and a bad thing. Well lately I have been getting approached by girls that have never been with girls. I don't like busting people's "Cherry's " so to speak. Even though my first girl love I was her first but she was mine as well so that was an eve trade. I also have been attracting people that are already in relationships. And I do not want to be a home wrecker so those are completely out for me. But I wonder about the "straight" ones. I want to know what goes thru their head. Is it just a sexual thing?Or are they fighting those feelings that I once tried to fight about myself and how I felt about women.
I honestly think that some just like what they like and that may be a man or a woman. And some just want the experience for sexual purposes and never a longing relationship. I have never been one for the whole friends with benefits things because it always ends because one or both of the parties catches feelings. In this instance because these women have no idea what they are getting themselves into I think it would cause them a whole lot more grief then good feelings. But on the other hand the girls that I am most attracted to are the ones that have never been with a girl. *sigh* Guess that is why I am single now. I don't have a type or anything like that but I do like somewhat feminine women. Not to prissy but able to be a little tomboi at times. She has to like sports or at least be able to let m teach her so she can possible enjoy it a little just for my sake.
There are several 'straight" girls that I have my eye own. One knows that I have feelings for her. I have even taken her on a out of town spur of the moment trip. At the time she didn't know what I was doing. But it soon came out. She never once distanced herself or made me feel like she wanted me to stop the advances that i would try. But alas when my big moment,the chance to kiss her presented itself. I choked. I choked bad. I didn't try again after that to kiss her or anything but I still let it be known that feelings where there. I am a romantic type and I say a lot with my eyes as people tell me. So sometimes my looks say so much without ever having to open my mouth. I am actually quite shy when it comes to talking to people especially people I don't know well. So having game is not something I consider myself to have. So it isn't easy for me to just walk up to a girl or even really find the right thing to say in a myspace or downelink message. Do they have a class for Internet dating?You know a Internet messaging for dummies book?
So now I kind of look afar at all of my straight crushes. Wishing hoping that maybe I can get a second chance. I don't know maybe I need to work on my lesbian side lol. I don't give off enough vibe for them and well I am still pretty new to the game so that may have an effect on it. I am going to a party this weekend that will include 4 women I had dated or tried to talk to. Two lesbians,two not so lesbians.hhhhmmmm yea this is going to be interesting. I haven't seen two of them in awhile and all of them are subject to be there with their new significant others. Hopefully I won't make any mistakes to cause any drama. Only time will tell. It is amazing. For me not to be considered "lesbian" enough, I might have my first case of lesbian drama. GO figure. So i am single and ready to mingle.Maybe one day I will find a boo..but until then I party on!!
I honestly think that some just like what they like and that may be a man or a woman. And some just want the experience for sexual purposes and never a longing relationship. I have never been one for the whole friends with benefits things because it always ends because one or both of the parties catches feelings. In this instance because these women have no idea what they are getting themselves into I think it would cause them a whole lot more grief then good feelings. But on the other hand the girls that I am most attracted to are the ones that have never been with a girl. *sigh* Guess that is why I am single now. I don't have a type or anything like that but I do like somewhat feminine women. Not to prissy but able to be a little tomboi at times. She has to like sports or at least be able to let m teach her so she can possible enjoy it a little just for my sake.
There are several 'straight" girls that I have my eye own. One knows that I have feelings for her. I have even taken her on a out of town spur of the moment trip. At the time she didn't know what I was doing. But it soon came out. She never once distanced herself or made me feel like she wanted me to stop the advances that i would try. But alas when my big moment,the chance to kiss her presented itself. I choked. I choked bad. I didn't try again after that to kiss her or anything but I still let it be known that feelings where there. I am a romantic type and I say a lot with my eyes as people tell me. So sometimes my looks say so much without ever having to open my mouth. I am actually quite shy when it comes to talking to people especially people I don't know well. So having game is not something I consider myself to have. So it isn't easy for me to just walk up to a girl or even really find the right thing to say in a myspace or downelink message. Do they have a class for Internet dating?You know a Internet messaging for dummies book?
So now I kind of look afar at all of my straight crushes. Wishing hoping that maybe I can get a second chance. I don't know maybe I need to work on my lesbian side lol. I don't give off enough vibe for them and well I am still pretty new to the game so that may have an effect on it. I am going to a party this weekend that will include 4 women I had dated or tried to talk to. Two lesbians,two not so lesbians.hhhhmmmm yea this is going to be interesting. I haven't seen two of them in awhile and all of them are subject to be there with their new significant others. Hopefully I won't make any mistakes to cause any drama. Only time will tell. It is amazing. For me not to be considered "lesbian" enough, I might have my first case of lesbian drama. GO figure. So i am single and ready to mingle.Maybe one day I will find a boo..but until then I party on!!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
What Do you mean She is IN a Relationship?
Well after we got thru those first awkward moments, everything seemed to be going fine with our relationship. I had asked country girl to actually be with me and she had accepted. We had been together for about two months and Christmas and her Birthday were coming up. I am a romantic at heart so I always planned little things for us. One of the first things I did was a picnic in the living room. I went to Red Lobster and got her fav meal. Got cheesecake sampler because she loves cheesecake and of course some wine and fruit. I laid the blankets out in the living room. Had candles lit nice soft jazz music the stuff of dreams lol. I knew she would be tired and hungry when she got home ,she had been working all day and at the time she worked retail. She walked in the house and had a look of surprise . She put her things done and immediately hugged me and said thank you. So I sat her down and we ate and I tried to feed her,she wasn't having that. I was like OK... So after we finished eating I ran her a bath with rose petals leading from the bath to the bed. Did the whole bath thing rubbing and washing. Then a full body massage on the bed. Well needless to say it should have ended with wonder things happening to me that night but it didn't...I was actually kind of hurt. I had put a lot of work into that evening and well all I wanted was a little passion in return. That is when I began to see that I was not getting what I wanted out of this. Should I continue down this road or cut my losses now?
So some time passes and Christmas is vastly approaching. She got the full lay out from me,shoes,purses,clothes. And the biggest gift was a promise ring. She gave me a hug and said Thank You. And that was it..fro the rest of the night. I am thinking to myself..am I bad for thinking that I should be having some of the best sex of my life right now? I mean she got me gifts which I loved and was very appreciative of but she barely would let me kiss her on the cheek. I was like hmmmm something is up. Well about two weeks into the new year we are chilling on the couch. She starts laughing and smiling at her phone, I am like who are u talking to and she says her ex's name. Now of course I didn't know that they were talking like this but I didn't trip because he and I were friends. We had been friends since high school and well he messed it up with her . She is my girl now so whatever if they talk. Big mistake......
We got into a heated argument that night and well frankly I told her I was done. I didn't feel appreciated . I didn't feel like I was getting out of the relationship what I should. Well the next morning I wake up and check my myspace and facebook and well well well,both of them are now In A Relationship. I was thinking oh hell it better not be with each other! So I text her about it and of course she tells me nothing is going on. Well I talk to him later and he says yea we are trying to make things work. WTF???
So u been doing this behind my back?I was heated to say the least and we had a big argument about it. I left it alone because I was so hurt after awhile. It was frustrating because I have never lived with someone I was dating or trying to date and not being able to not see her was hard to do. Well needless to say it didn't work out between them and she was back to me. We went to my hometown several time and they spent time together but it was never like it was in the past. It just wasn't working anymore. They were in two different places and ultimately I don't think her heart or mind was in it anymore.Was it a mistake to take her back?Maybe..but love makes you do crazy things.....neither one of us has ever told him and I doubt we ever will....One of those secrets we will keep always....
So some time passes and Christmas is vastly approaching. She got the full lay out from me,shoes,purses,clothes. And the biggest gift was a promise ring. She gave me a hug and said Thank You. And that was it..fro the rest of the night. I am thinking to myself..am I bad for thinking that I should be having some of the best sex of my life right now? I mean she got me gifts which I loved and was very appreciative of but she barely would let me kiss her on the cheek. I was like hmmmm something is up. Well about two weeks into the new year we are chilling on the couch. She starts laughing and smiling at her phone, I am like who are u talking to and she says her ex's name. Now of course I didn't know that they were talking like this but I didn't trip because he and I were friends. We had been friends since high school and well he messed it up with her . She is my girl now so whatever if they talk. Big mistake......
We got into a heated argument that night and well frankly I told her I was done. I didn't feel appreciated . I didn't feel like I was getting out of the relationship what I should. Well the next morning I wake up and check my myspace and facebook and well well well,both of them are now In A Relationship. I was thinking oh hell it better not be with each other! So I text her about it and of course she tells me nothing is going on. Well I talk to him later and he says yea we are trying to make things work. WTF???
So u been doing this behind my back?I was heated to say the least and we had a big argument about it. I left it alone because I was so hurt after awhile. It was frustrating because I have never lived with someone I was dating or trying to date and not being able to not see her was hard to do. Well needless to say it didn't work out between them and she was back to me. We went to my hometown several time and they spent time together but it was never like it was in the past. It just wasn't working anymore. They were in two different places and ultimately I don't think her heart or mind was in it anymore.Was it a mistake to take her back?Maybe..but love makes you do crazy things.....neither one of us has ever told him and I doubt we ever will....One of those secrets we will keep always....
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Kissing,Kissing and More Kissing
Me and country girl started to kick it with 34 quite a bit after the IHOP trip. She would come to our place we would go to hers. It was very interesting because both of us had never kicked it with so many lesbians. Now 34 came out to us our junior year as we were visiting her at work at Wal-Mart. She had always played with country-girl telling her she had a crush on her but we didn't think she was serious until then. Well needless to say looking back on it now..all those moments we were spending together were a big reason why they started to get closer in more ways then one. Now me and country girl were roommates but we had never had talks about liking girls or to our knowledge really thought about it. Well after a night of kicking it tough with 34, Country -girl tells me that they she thinks 34 is really cute. I was like cute like that is my friend cute or hey I think she is cute? It was the second lol. Well BFF came over one day and we sat on the back of her truck(she is true soft stud to the fullest lol). She told me that 34 and Country -Girl had kissed!!!! All of a sudden all of these emotions came rushing thru my head. I was actually upset I wasn't her first girl kiss!! From that point on I knew I had to do something and quick about this situation before my dream turned into a nightmare.
Now BFF was dating one of our friends that stayed in the old apartments with us. During this whole time we had moved into some new apartments. It was me,country girl as roommates and Chatt-town's old roommate who we will call Kelly Price. Kelly Price was not a lesbian but she wa dating BFF. BFF has a way of turning straight girls gay. To This day she hasn't really dated a girl who started out lesbian except for 1. And that was before we met. I think she likes the thrill of the chase lol. Anyway we were kicking it at Kelly Price's apartment one night all five of us. BFF had ,had me over there like the last three weeks doing improvements to the apartment. Staining desk and everything!!! She is such a good man hahahahaha. Anyway 34 and country-girl were out on the balcony talking cus 34 wanted to smoke a black and mild. I went out bout 30 minutes later to ask 34 what she wanted to eat and she told me that they had kissed again!!!! I was like ,are you serious??!!??
So we went to Fazzolie's It is like this Italian restaurant that does take out and to go orders. So we were in the parking lot playing around and 34 said something and the next thing we know Country-Girl got mad and hauled off and hit her. Now 34 doesn't date black girls for this reason alone. From that point on 34 was on a mission to get rid of Country-Girl and quick.... Great that works for me..........
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Soundtrack to my Soul
In every relationship you always have those songs that make you think about that person. I listen to a lot of music. Always have. I am going thru a lot right now with someone very close to me. I made a soundtrack of our relationship. Songs that in some way or some of the lyrics reminds of us or things that have happened during the course of our relationship.
In order of feelings and emotions,time and event:
1.Alicia keys-Diary
2.Jay-Z-Song Cry
3.Aaliyah-If Your Girl Only Knew
4.Tweet-Im Done
5.Dwele-Im Cheatin
6.Ne-Yo-Lie To Me
7.Tweet-Cruisin
8. Kanye West-Heartless
9.Algebra-What Happened?
10.Ne-Yo-mad
11.702- Get It Together
12.Goapele-Back To You
13.Jazmine Sullivan-Lions,Tigers,and Bears
14.Jazmine Sullivan-Take Over You
15.Janet Jackson-I Get So Lonely
16.Luther Vandross-A House is Not a Home
Just a short list i came up with in the last 24 hours. Some songs that are helping me get thru......
In order of feelings and emotions,time and event:
1.Alicia keys-Diary
2.Jay-Z-Song Cry
3.Aaliyah-If Your Girl Only Knew
4.Tweet-Im Done
5.Dwele-Im Cheatin
6.Ne-Yo-Lie To Me
7.Tweet-Cruisin
8. Kanye West-Heartless
9.Algebra-What Happened?
10.Ne-Yo-mad
11.702- Get It Together
12.Goapele-Back To You
13.Jazmine Sullivan-Lions,Tigers,and Bears
14.Jazmine Sullivan-Take Over You
15.Janet Jackson-I Get So Lonely
16.Luther Vandross-A House is Not a Home
Just a short list i came up with in the last 24 hours. Some songs that are helping me get thru......
Monday, January 5, 2009
Sad and Happy Days
For the first time in a very long time I am sad. I am usually not the one that is sad. I am the one that helps others get over their sadness. Ironically enough they are telling me the same things I have told them time after time. And I just like them don't want to listen. Now that I am actually going thru my own sadness, I understand now what some of them meant by letting them do them. I don't really want to be bothered right now. I want to have my cries and my frustration moments. I don't think I should have to justify my actions or how I feel. I got done wrong and nobody can change that now. People want me to do things for them,when nobody thought of doing things for me. It puzzles me how in this life even after someone has done something horrible to you they turn around and are the same people that want you to do something for them. Older people always say not to burn your bridges with people because you never know when you will need them. I have in my past burned some myself . And in a sense I still pay for that even today.
The old boo and I just aren't seeing eye to eye on this situation. It is very difficult to get over the fact that someone that was suppose to be both of our friends,did me wrong. To let you in....I was dating this girl. And we had become associated with two other girls we will name them Kuestion and Answer. They are a couple and Answer has two kids. Well usually how it worked out was i was (bff) with kuestion and old boo was (bff) with Answer. From the beginning I always thought there was an attraction between old boo and Answer. But I tried not to pay attention. Well this past Friday Answer was at our apartment and decided to tell me that they did in fact have very strong feelings for each other. Both of them! And that they had kissed. No telling what else they have done. Well needless to say that I have nothing more to say to Answer. I feel genuinely like I was stabbed in the back. She knew how I felt about old boo and the situation we had and she decided regardless of what or how I would feel that she was going to continue to be around her. It sucks. Maybe I am making to much out of it but it hurts and right now I can't help it.
Kuestion and Answer have been having a lot of issues lately. Some of which having to do with how Kuestion feels about old boo. She has always thought they were messing around as well. Of course she has not been let on to what has been going on and may never be told. *sigh* it is all just one big mess. I have never thought I would know so many people especially one I was in love with to mess with people that are in marriages and in relationships. I know that you can't always help who you have feelings for but I feel out of respect for peoples lives and relationships if you think you can't stay in your position and stay in your lane then you need to take yourself out of that situation. Now don't get me wrong I have done wrong in my past as well . But that was a one time thing. I never did it before that and I haven't done it since. I was dating a guy who decided to get a girlfriend on the side but continue the relationship that we had. Needless to say he ended up with neither of us. But thru that I realized the type of person I didn't want to become. Lesson Learned. A part of me feels I am going thru all of this as a way of Karma coming back to get me for the wrong that I did. Who knows all I know is I want this feeling to leave me. I want my life back that I feel was taken away from me right from under me. Sometimes I wish I could push a button like on those staple commercials and get rid or people or issues that I have. With Kuestion and Answer having so many problems it is a chance that they may break up leaving the door ride open for the old boo to move in. This is not making me happy at all seeing as how I was done and she is getting way better treatment then me. This is not the typical situation where I can just pack up a relationship put it in a box never to be heard from again. It is way more complicated then that. There is no running or hiding from this one. Whatever happens,happens dead on in my face.*sigh* this is going to be on going and I don't know when this roller coaster will end........
On a bright note...i went on a interview and actually got a job today. It is still not a job that shows all the hard work I put into my education but at least now I will have some kind of paycheck coming in. I will still have to do my hustling doing photography and all that but at least I will have some help instead of none at all. I want to be able to help my roommate and not feel like I am living off her. So one sunshine moment in my last 72 hours.I am blessed for it and I hope it works out till I can find something that I really want. The boss was cussing thru my whole interview so at least it will give me some entertainment if nothing else.
The old boo and I just aren't seeing eye to eye on this situation. It is very difficult to get over the fact that someone that was suppose to be both of our friends,did me wrong. To let you in....I was dating this girl. And we had become associated with two other girls we will name them Kuestion and Answer. They are a couple and Answer has two kids. Well usually how it worked out was i was (bff) with kuestion and old boo was (bff) with Answer. From the beginning I always thought there was an attraction between old boo and Answer. But I tried not to pay attention. Well this past Friday Answer was at our apartment and decided to tell me that they did in fact have very strong feelings for each other. Both of them! And that they had kissed. No telling what else they have done. Well needless to say that I have nothing more to say to Answer. I feel genuinely like I was stabbed in the back. She knew how I felt about old boo and the situation we had and she decided regardless of what or how I would feel that she was going to continue to be around her. It sucks. Maybe I am making to much out of it but it hurts and right now I can't help it.
Kuestion and Answer have been having a lot of issues lately. Some of which having to do with how Kuestion feels about old boo. She has always thought they were messing around as well. Of course she has not been let on to what has been going on and may never be told. *sigh* it is all just one big mess. I have never thought I would know so many people especially one I was in love with to mess with people that are in marriages and in relationships. I know that you can't always help who you have feelings for but I feel out of respect for peoples lives and relationships if you think you can't stay in your position and stay in your lane then you need to take yourself out of that situation. Now don't get me wrong I have done wrong in my past as well . But that was a one time thing. I never did it before that and I haven't done it since. I was dating a guy who decided to get a girlfriend on the side but continue the relationship that we had. Needless to say he ended up with neither of us. But thru that I realized the type of person I didn't want to become. Lesson Learned. A part of me feels I am going thru all of this as a way of Karma coming back to get me for the wrong that I did. Who knows all I know is I want this feeling to leave me. I want my life back that I feel was taken away from me right from under me. Sometimes I wish I could push a button like on those staple commercials and get rid or people or issues that I have. With Kuestion and Answer having so many problems it is a chance that they may break up leaving the door ride open for the old boo to move in. This is not making me happy at all seeing as how I was done and she is getting way better treatment then me. This is not the typical situation where I can just pack up a relationship put it in a box never to be heard from again. It is way more complicated then that. There is no running or hiding from this one. Whatever happens,happens dead on in my face.*sigh* this is going to be on going and I don't know when this roller coaster will end........
On a bright note...i went on a interview and actually got a job today. It is still not a job that shows all the hard work I put into my education but at least now I will have some kind of paycheck coming in. I will still have to do my hustling doing photography and all that but at least I will have some help instead of none at all. I want to be able to help my roommate and not feel like I am living off her. So one sunshine moment in my last 72 hours.I am blessed for it and I hope it works out till I can find something that I really want. The boss was cussing thru my whole interview so at least it will give me some entertainment if nothing else.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Relationships What Does it All Mean
People always tell you to say what you mean and mean what you say,so why is it in relationships this is not always true. People may be in a relationship and be madly in love with a person but not be able to tell them. It seems more and more that people assume that people know what that mean by their actions. But if you have never been a person to show your affections,then it is definitely hard for someone to read you.
Not talking is and can be the biggest problem in a relationship. Without communication what do you have?I see so many people getting married these days and I wonder,are they really ready?Can you honestly admit that you are willing to talk to that person about anything and everything,even if it means that they may be mad at you. Are you willing to face problems head on?So many questions and issues must be answered when you are in a relationship. And it is never easy when that communication is one sided. It sucks really. I look at the relationships I have had in my life and I wonder,What could I have done differently?What could I have said or not said to make that situation better. It is just a part of it. "I am not scared of Lions,Tigers,or Bears, But I am scared of loving you" Jazmine hit it on the head with that one when it comes to the person that I love. I think Love is something that you want so bad but sometimes it is just not meant to be. You fight for something that you feel is right but is it really?
The impossible task....I wonder if my time on the job is over.............I don't want to loose a friend.
Not talking is and can be the biggest problem in a relationship. Without communication what do you have?I see so many people getting married these days and I wonder,are they really ready?Can you honestly admit that you are willing to talk to that person about anything and everything,even if it means that they may be mad at you. Are you willing to face problems head on?So many questions and issues must be answered when you are in a relationship. And it is never easy when that communication is one sided. It sucks really. I look at the relationships I have had in my life and I wonder,What could I have done differently?What could I have said or not said to make that situation better. It is just a part of it. "I am not scared of Lions,Tigers,or Bears, But I am scared of loving you" Jazmine hit it on the head with that one when it comes to the person that I love. I think Love is something that you want so bad but sometimes it is just not meant to be. You fight for something that you feel is right but is it really?
The impossible task....I wonder if my time on the job is over.............I don't want to loose a friend.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
So many reasons....
There are so many reason to love a person. For instance,they take care of you, they hold you when you are down. They are there for you to talk to when you need them. They make you feel special, they never hurt you or if they do it is not intended. U can't explain it but you hurt when you are not around them. You miss them so much. This person allows you to feel like you can breath again. When you look into their eyes you can see you and them together for ever. Being in love is a beautiful union of spirits. Many people never get the chance to feel that way. And some people take it for granted. There are so many reasons to say this person means so much to you. But showing them is even better. Cooking them their favs,to show that you do listen to what they like. Running a warm bath after a long day. Leaving them little notes to say how special they are to you. Being in the moment. What happened to that with people?What happened to showing how you feel and care. And wanting that person to know all the time. Do people really know what real love is anymore?I know there are so many reasons I can't change how I show love and what I expect. And I don't think I should settle for anything less.
What is there to hide?
For the past couple of months this subject has came up and I have been wondering about it. What is their to hide in a relationship?
I have some friends who will let their significant other look thru their phone ,email and anything else that they may have. Others can look thru the phone but not the email.(the probably don't care about the email). While other people I know won't even let you look thru their phone.
Now I know when you are in a relationship ,that there has to be trust there or there is really nothing to fall back on. I think that once you get to a certain point with a person,i.e. been together a really long time or engaged, It shouldn't matter if that person looks thru your phone. Many times people don't want their "boo" to look thru their phone because that harmless flirting they were doing was much more then they made it off to be. I to myself have been in this situation and well I decided to look thru the phone.
It actually happened twice. And both times I found the answer that I was looking for but was not happy about it either time. It does hurt when someone lies to you to your face and it takes for you to be the private eye to find out. I guess once you get to the point you have to look in phones u should know that it is pretty much some lying going on. You should always go with your first mind. But to the lying party,why lie? In the end you are going to end up with a person that doesn't trust you and you have to try extra hard to get that back. If you can get it back at all. In all the situations of the past month,they have all managed to get their relationships back on track. But at what fault?Less trust in the relationship lingers,there may have been outside people that got hurt for no reason and now people can look at you as a liar. Will you ever be able to recover fully from that. We all hope that love conquers all but does it really?
I think that in a relationship you should be willing to share everything. That doesn't mean that someone should go thru your phone everyday but ,reassuring the person that you are with,that is nothing wrong with that. I think now with the advancements of technology at home and in the work place,dating and being in relationships will continue to get harder and harder. Only time will tell.....
I have some friends who will let their significant other look thru their phone ,email and anything else that they may have. Others can look thru the phone but not the email.(the probably don't care about the email). While other people I know won't even let you look thru their phone.
Now I know when you are in a relationship ,that there has to be trust there or there is really nothing to fall back on. I think that once you get to a certain point with a person,i.e. been together a really long time or engaged, It shouldn't matter if that person looks thru your phone. Many times people don't want their "boo" to look thru their phone because that harmless flirting they were doing was much more then they made it off to be. I to myself have been in this situation and well I decided to look thru the phone.
It actually happened twice. And both times I found the answer that I was looking for but was not happy about it either time. It does hurt when someone lies to you to your face and it takes for you to be the private eye to find out. I guess once you get to the point you have to look in phones u should know that it is pretty much some lying going on. You should always go with your first mind. But to the lying party,why lie? In the end you are going to end up with a person that doesn't trust you and you have to try extra hard to get that back. If you can get it back at all. In all the situations of the past month,they have all managed to get their relationships back on track. But at what fault?Less trust in the relationship lingers,there may have been outside people that got hurt for no reason and now people can look at you as a liar. Will you ever be able to recover fully from that. We all hope that love conquers all but does it really?
I think that in a relationship you should be willing to share everything. That doesn't mean that someone should go thru your phone everyday but ,reassuring the person that you are with,that is nothing wrong with that. I think now with the advancements of technology at home and in the work place,dating and being in relationships will continue to get harder and harder. Only time will tell.....
Friday, August 15, 2008
Lesbian Wars
*sigh* sometimes dealing with lesbians is to much time,to much hassle and to much stress. But the love of a woman can be so beautiful to. I have a new friend(not like that). More like a home girl. And I connect with her on a different level then my other bff. We have things in common but nothing that sets us up as the super duo or anything lol. She keeps me grounded at work and on my toes all at the same time. She is not from the Tenn which is a good thing. Fresh blood is always good. Keeps things interesting. I wonder sometimes why certain people are brought into your life. I feel she is here as a free spirit in mine. She keeps me laughing. gives me someone to talk to that won't be judgemental. She doesn't know enough about me to do so. But I do let her in. More then I do with a lot of people. Since the first day she walked into work ,she smiled at me and for some reason I felt that smile was going to lead to great things and it has. She is competition for me. I'm use to getting all the attention but she gets her own share of the limelight which makes em feel good. It is kind of a ying to my yang. Up until last week everything was smooth.
But of course it wouldn't be called lesbian wars without a little drama right?So she has girlfriend and I have my friend. They met and hit it off and well it got a little to close for comfort and almost ruined their relationships. No it wasn't my friends fault but more so a collective effort. A lot of people playing small parts into a major problem. Needless to say me and the new bff will have to kick it solo for awhile until things cool over. And maybe that is a good thing. It will allow us to get to know each other better and hopefully grow our friendship. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Why is it that jealous can ruin a relationship?I was talking to the new girl and everything was cool until the jealous devil showed it's head about my past(again). I have done everything right this time. Not brought her up in every convo. Not had them in the same place. But alas it is still an issue. I don't think it is anything I can get rid of or anything that makes me a bad person,it is what it is. But I was pissed. I was into the moment and her mind was elsewhere on her. She you don't want me to touch u cus you are jealous...well fine. I won't touch you at all. And that is all I am going to say about that......
But of course it wouldn't be called lesbian wars without a little drama right?So she has girlfriend and I have my friend. They met and hit it off and well it got a little to close for comfort and almost ruined their relationships. No it wasn't my friends fault but more so a collective effort. A lot of people playing small parts into a major problem. Needless to say me and the new bff will have to kick it solo for awhile until things cool over. And maybe that is a good thing. It will allow us to get to know each other better and hopefully grow our friendship. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Why is it that jealous can ruin a relationship?I was talking to the new girl and everything was cool until the jealous devil showed it's head about my past(again). I have done everything right this time. Not brought her up in every convo. Not had them in the same place. But alas it is still an issue. I don't think it is anything I can get rid of or anything that makes me a bad person,it is what it is. But I was pissed. I was into the moment and her mind was elsewhere on her. She you don't want me to touch u cus you are jealous...well fine. I won't touch you at all. And that is all I am going to say about that......
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