So tonight is the night

*sigh* being from TN it is easy to get caught up in drama because everyone knows everyone. It is almost impossible especially in the LGBT world to date or talk to someone that hasn't slept with or dated someone that you know. So I am going to a house party tonight where ,I will either get paid no attention by ex's or to much. I am hoping to just sit there and be able to Dj. With no issues and no problems. But for some odd reason I feel a really interesting early morning blog is going to present itself. I am going to have a friend with me. We aren't romantically involved even though she is really cute. We are just really good friends so it will be nice to have the moral support there with me. The most recent ex is coming which is the person that caused a lot of the drama with the other people. It seems as if I might be looking into it to much but then again drama and a lot of drinking is never good. Time will tell.. I am off to get ready....

Dating a Straight Woman or Any Woman For that matter

Sometimes I wonder if it just the fact that I am in TN or the fact that I just am a magnet for straight girls. Or I guess in this case bi-curious. For some reason lesbian girls never really take me serious. Some of my friends say I don't give off 'gay' vibes so it is hard to read me. I guess that is a good and a bad thing. Well lately I have been getting approached by girls that have never been with girls. I don't like busting people's "Cherry's " so to speak. Even though my first girl love I was her first but she was mine as well so that was an eve trade. I also have been attracting people that are already in relationships. And I do not want to be a home wrecker so those are completely out for me. But I wonder about the "straight" ones. I want to know what goes thru their head. Is it just a sexual thing?Or are they fighting those feelings that I once tried to fight about myself and how I felt about women.

I honestly think that some just like what they like and that may be a man or a woman. And some just want the experience for sexual purposes and never a longing relationship. I have never been one for the whole friends with benefits things because it always ends because one or both of the parties catches feelings. In this instance because these women have no idea what they are getting themselves into I think it would cause them a whole lot more grief then good feelings. But on the other hand the girls that I am most attracted to are the ones that have never been with a girl. *sigh* Guess that is why I am single now. I don't have a type or anything like that but I do like somewhat feminine women. Not to prissy but able to be a little tomboi at times. She has to like sports or at least be able to let m teach her so she can possible enjoy it a little just for my sake.

There are several 'straight" girls that I have my eye own. One knows that I have feelings for her. I have even taken her on a out of town spur of the moment trip. At the time she didn't know what I was doing. But it soon came out. She never once distanced herself or made me feel like she wanted me to stop the advances that i would try. But alas when my big moment,the chance to kiss her presented itself. I choked. I choked bad. I didn't try again after that to kiss her or anything but I still let it be known that feelings where there. I am a romantic type and I say a lot with my eyes as people tell me. So sometimes my looks say so much without ever having to open my mouth. I am actually quite shy when it comes to talking to people especially people I don't know well. So having game is not something I consider myself to have. So it isn't easy for me to just walk up to a girl or even really find the right thing to say in a myspace or downelink message. Do they have a class for Internet dating?You know a Internet messaging for dummies book?

So now I kind of look afar at all of my straight crushes. Wishing hoping that maybe I can get a second chance. I don't know maybe I need to work on my lesbian side lol. I don't give off enough vibe for them and well I am still pretty new to the game so that may have an effect on it. I am going to a party this weekend that will include 4 women I had dated or tried to talk to. Two lesbians,two not so lesbians.hhhhmmmm yea this is going to be interesting. I haven't seen two of them in awhile and all of them are subject to be there with their new significant others. Hopefully I won't make any mistakes to cause any drama. Only time will tell. It is amazing. For me not to be considered "lesbian" enough, I might have my first case of lesbian drama. GO figure. So i am single and ready to mingle.Maybe one day I will find a boo..but until then I party on!!

Back Like I Never Left

Ok so I had to take a break...Life was catching up to me. I was getting sidetracked and had to pull the train back. But i am back now and ready to get the party back started. It has been an interesting two weeks. I have fallen,fallen for a fruit that I cannot touch. I never thought I would fall for someone that was with someone else. She is so wonderful and I am so attracted to her but she has someone. Someone that doesn't treat her bad but doesn't give her everything she needs either. I wonder why when we get comfortable we let somethings slide ,just because it seems like the right thing to do. Why break up a relationship when they support you,and haven't cheated or done anything wrong?I think that sometimes in a relationship intimacy and romance are overlooked. I think being able to feel beautiful whenever your boo is around is important. To feel that feeling of someone always wanting to be with you and love you unconditionally. Treat you like a queen and make love to you like no other. The making love is big for me,I don't know about anyone else lol.


Anyway back to the story. So I have a friend we will call her ATL. ATL and I went to college together but did not get really close till after we graduated. We both found out that we liked women. Surprise for both of us I believe. Well I have always thought she was cute,beautiful. She has always peeked my interest. Well once we started talking both of us were involved so there was nothing to be done. I always thought something was there but we were both focused on other people so chatting on the phone and texting was all we did. This went on for over 2 years,leading up to the past 2 weeks. I texted her one day just to see how she and her baby were doing. *yes during this time she did have a child*. I had went to her baby shower last year but had not seen the baby yet. i told her I needed to visit and she said I could come visit her on Saturday. I was like cool. Well I was extra excited about this. So we continued to chat and talk for the rest of the week. Now this week more than usual the flirting was at a high. It intrigued me very much but I tried not to look to much into it.


I went to her crib,real nice place. The baby was not there but it gave us time to sit and talk face to face. Well during this talk is when I found out she lived with her girlfriend. Big surprise to me.Not once had she let in the past months or so that she was still involved. Well needless to say the distance on the couch got a little bit bigger but I was still intrigued. When I left her crib we were in the parking lot and we hugged. It felt so good,so warm. I didn't want to let her go and she didn't let me go. It felt so right and would have been a great time to kiss but oh yea....she has a girlfriend. Well We chatted the next week and texted. Nothing major. I found out that she use to work with my BFF's girlfriend so there was definite chance for kicking it as a group because she was comfortable with them. Also found out that her girlfriend knew BFF...perfect chance to get some inside info. Anyway the week goes along and on Saturday we make plans for dinner for Sunday. So I was excited about seeing her again. Well later that night she texts me and says she wanted to come by...I'm like cool no prob. *I was suppose to go to work at 4 AM needless to say I didn't go*. Now with her coming over I hoped that roommate would be sleep. Yes I still live with my ex and well I get nervous about bringing people over sometimes.


Well she came over and I could kind of tell it was one of those I just needed to get away from her visits. And i was happy about that. We sat and talked about what she wanted and what she needed and wasn't being given. We talked about music and just random things that came on the tv. Well during our talks my arm ended up around her. Soon as this happen roommate walked in the room. She didn't say nothing but hi,got her water and went back to her room*whew dodged one there*. So after she went back in her room I asked ATL would she like to take off her jacket to get more comfortable and she did. Well needless to say at this point I was over taken with emotion and as she layed into me,I began to kiss parts of her. Her shoulder ,her neck her lips. And she kissed back. It was a moment I had waited so long for and it felt so right. Her lips were so soft and her body so smooth. I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let go. At one point as we stood and hugged I kind of danced her around. There was no music,just the thumps of our hearts. She asked if being in a relationship with me was like this all the time and I said yes....It was a great ending to a great night.


Now I know all of this was wrong considering she was in a relationship and we haven't done anything since. But I can't get her out of mind. I want her but a part of me feels that if we got into a relationship what if she did the same thing to me. How would that leave me to feel? Feelings and hornyness can get you in a lot of trouble.....

My President is Black!!!

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

As I take the sacred oath of the highest office in the land, I am humbled by the responsibility placed upon my shoulders, renewed by the courage and decency of the American people, and fortified by my faith in an awesome God.

We are in the midst of a season of trial. Our Nation is being tested, and our people know great uncertainty. Yet the story of America is one of renewal in the face of adversity, reconciliation in a time of discord, and we know that there is a purpose for everything under heaven.

On this Inauguration Day, we are reminded that we are heirs to over two centuries of American democracy, and that this legacy is not simply a birthright -- it is a glorious burden. Now it falls to us to come together as a people to carry it forward once more.

So in the words of President Abraham Lincoln, let us remember that: "The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 20, 2009, a National Day of Renewal and Reconciliation, and call upon all of our citizens to serve one another and the common purpose of remaking this Nation for our new century.



Today was a very proud day for me! I have been watching the coverage all day. it has brought tears of joy and hope. I pray for his continued safety,he and his family. I am thankful for the change our world is coming to. I honestly didn't think I would ever see it. Maybe my children but never me. I thank the lord for this day. We have a lot more to accomplish as a people and I am ready for the road ahead. I need to put my own stamp on this world. And I am ready for that challenge. President Obama has a hard road ahead but I believe he is the right man for the job. He pulled a country together that for so long only saw the world as black and white. Now it is a nation of new ideas and new life. The world will be different because of this change. I am ready for better days for all and I believe with President Obama in office and god with us all,it will happen.I am happy that the 44th President of the United States is Barack H. Obama!!!



My President is Black!!!!

The Dream

On this holiday day of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I give thanks. I give thanks to the lord for allowing me to live this moment and all the moments of my life. Tomorrow I will see and witness the first African American President to enter the white house. He will be the 44th President of our Country-President Barack Obama.I am proud and I know I have shed a tear like so many others and I am thankful for it. Everyone says that there is no reason to dream anymore because we have made it. We are still far from it. Obama can't fight the fight alone. He will need all of us to make this happen. Yes this was a major step for our country but there is still so much that can be done. We still have a dream to full fill. But at least now it doesn't seem impossible. The sky is finally the limit. There is no more you can't or it won't happen. The happiness that I see from my grandmother lets me know that they feel,the ones that went thru the civil rights movement,they feel at ease in a sense. It makes it seem even more that the fight was not for nothing. I am happy she gets to live this moment like so many others. And I pray that we have many more firsts and special dreams to look forward to. I am sure that Dr. King looks down on all of us and is proud of the accomplishments that we have made.But he knows that we have much more that we can and will achieve.Never stop dreaming.

Superbowl favs

My Team made it in and that is all I am going to say about that. My Terrible towel lives to swing another day!!!

What Do you mean She is IN a Relationship?

Well after we got thru those first awkward moments, everything seemed to be going fine with our relationship. I had asked country girl to actually be with me and she had accepted. We had been together for about two months and Christmas and her Birthday were coming up. I am a romantic at heart so I always planned little things for us. One of the first things I did was a picnic in the living room. I went to Red Lobster and got her fav meal. Got cheesecake sampler because she loves cheesecake and of course some wine and fruit. I laid the blankets out in the living room. Had candles lit nice soft jazz music the stuff of dreams lol. I knew she would be tired and hungry when she got home ,she had been working all day and at the time she worked retail. She walked in the house and had a look of surprise . She put her things done and immediately hugged me and said thank you. So I sat her down and we ate and I tried to feed her,she wasn't having that. I was like OK... So after we finished eating I ran her a bath with rose petals leading from the bath to the bed. Did the whole bath thing rubbing and washing. Then a full body massage on the bed. Well needless to say it should have ended with wonder things happening to me that night but it didn't...I was actually kind of hurt. I had put a lot of work into that evening and well all I wanted was a little passion in return. That is when I began to see that I was not getting what I wanted out of this. Should I continue down this road or cut my losses now?



So some time passes and Christmas is vastly approaching. She got the full lay out from me,shoes,purses,clothes. And the biggest gift was a promise ring. She gave me a hug and said Thank You. And that was it..fro the rest of the night. I am thinking to myself..am I bad for thinking that I should be having some of the best sex of my life right now? I mean she got me gifts which I loved and was very appreciative of but she barely would let me kiss her on the cheek. I was like hmmmm something is up. Well about two weeks into the new year we are chilling on the couch. She starts laughing and smiling at her phone, I am like who are u talking to and she says her ex's name. Now of course I didn't know that they were talking like this but I didn't trip because he and I were friends. We had been friends since high school and well he messed it up with her . She is my girl now so whatever if they talk. Big mistake......

We got into a heated argument that night and well frankly I told her I was done. I didn't feel appreciated . I didn't feel like I was getting out of the relationship what I should. Well the next morning I wake up and check my myspace and facebook and well well well,both of them are now In A Relationship. I was thinking oh hell it better not be with each other! So I text her about it and of course she tells me nothing is going on. Well I talk to him later and he says yea we are trying to make things work. WTF???

So u been doing this behind my back?I was heated to say the least and we had a big argument about it. I left it alone because I was so hurt after awhile. It was frustrating because I have never lived with someone I was dating or trying to date and not being able to not see her was hard to do. Well needless to say it didn't work out between them and she was back to me. We went to my hometown several time and they spent time together but it was never like it was in the past. It just wasn't working anymore. They were in two different places and ultimately I don't think her heart or mind was in it anymore.Was it a mistake to take her back?Maybe..but love makes you do crazy things.....neither one of us has ever told him and I doubt we ever will....One of those secrets we will keep always....

Health Food Tips

1. Bran Muffin

2. Chicken Caesar Salad
3. Tuna Melt

4. Chicken Wrap

5. Turkey Burger

6. Fruit Smoothies

7. Granola Bar

8. Pasta Salad

9. Yogurt with Fruit on the Bottom

10. Bagel with Cream Cheese

11. Pasta Primavera

12. Dried Fruit

13. Fish Sandwich

14. Margarine

If your weight-loss regimen consists of giving up pizza and cheeseburgers in favor of flaxseeds and rice cakes, it’s time to reconsider your strategy. In the hot bestselling book Eat This, Not That! co-authors David Zinczenko and Matt Goulding insist you don’t ever have to diet again. You can eat all of your favorite foods and still drop 10, 20, 30 pounds in just a few months!

To do so, though, you must be able to spot the many perilous nutritional traps that continue to plague health-conscious consumers every day. Seemingly nutritious packaged and prepared foods often abound with added sugars, preservatives, and dangerous, belt-breaking fats. To help you slim down this year, the Eat This, Not That! guys have identified the 14 most punishing health ruses and replaced them with delicious alternatives that will keep you satisfied and give you all the purported nutritional benefits that many of our most beloved foods sadly do not.

Luckily I don't eat or drink anything on that list. For once I am doing something right! But I tell ya nothing beats actual EXERCISE. I think people forget you still have to do that even when you are eating right. I lost weight because I help keep it off. Walking and running are good for you regardless of what you eat.

Source

Wine and the Moment I will never forget

Well needless to say that the talks and convo's after the night Country-Girl went off were not good between her and 34. One day me and 34 kicked it and she stopped the car outside of my apartment. She told me she knew I had feelings for country-girl. She said she would back away so that real love could happen. Real Love? Don't know about that but I did know that I had to tell her that I had feelings for her that weren't based on us being friends. So 34 and her had a fight and country-girl wasn't in the best of moods that night. We sat down on the couch and we talked about what had been going on. This had been a hard year for Country-Girl,during all of this taking place. Back in Jan the year before she had lost the love of her life. A guy she pretty much dated our entire college undergrad life. He got another girl pregnant and even though he may say that wasn't the reason he left ,it appears as clear as day that was the reason he left. She started kicking it with my best guy friend from my hometown and well she met another one about six months later who ended up being the next boyfriend. This was going on thru us all reconnecting at IHOP and everything. Well the moving of the apartments and all that took place during the summer and that is when her and the new boyfriend broke up. Leading up to the kicking it with 34 and to where me and her were in conversation now.

So needless to say her emotions were running wild all over the place. We were sitting here as friends talking about life and emotions and I just couldn't do it anymore I was in love and I wanted her to stop hurting and I knew that that hurt could stop with me. So I grabbed her hand and we looked each other in the eye and I said I have something to tell you.....

"I have feelings for you,like genuine feelings". She didn't pull back but she still had a look of surprise on her face. I told her that I had feelings for her ever since around the time that her and the love of her life started having their problems. When she would run up to me and hug me i didn't want to let go. When she would come home from work and jump on top of me i wanted to roll her over and make love to her. It was there and I had been running from it for almost two years...She was in shock she couldn't believe that I had said what I said. She got up and put her shoes on and went out the door. I sat there with my head in my hands knowing I may just have ruined not only any chance of having her but ruined my friendship that I cared a great deal about. I ran outside to talk to her but her car was gone.

I didn't text her,cus I figured she was driving to clear her head. It was one thing the whole crew had in common. We all like to drive to clear our heads. Well a hour had passed,I was getting worried,then the door opened. She was standing there with a brown bag in her hand. She took a swig looking like a dude drinking a 40. (which is funny because she is very fem with long flowing beautiful hair). She sat down on the couch and she said she never knew that these feelings existed and that I had these feelings. She never had any indication because I never gave her one.

Then she kissed me. I was now the one in shock. It was a long kiss and a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life. I was in love.....

Kissing,Kissing and More Kissing

Me and country girl started to kick it with 34 quite a bit after the IHOP trip. She would come to our place we would go to hers. It was very interesting because both of us had never kicked it with so many lesbians. Now 34 came out to us our junior year as we were visiting her at work at Wal-Mart. She had always played with country-girl telling her she had a crush on her but we didn't think she was serious until then. Well needless to say looking back on it now..all those moments we were spending together were a big reason why they started to get closer in more ways then one. Now me and country girl were roommates but we had never had talks about liking girls or to our knowledge really thought about it. Well after a night of kicking it tough with 34, Country -girl tells me that they she thinks 34 is really cute. I was like cute like that is my friend cute or hey I think she is cute? It was the second lol. Well BFF came over one day and we sat on the back of her truck(she is true soft stud to the fullest lol). She told me that 34 and Country -Girl had kissed!!!! All of a sudden all of these emotions came rushing thru my head. I was actually upset I wasn't her first girl kiss!! From that point on I knew I had to do something and quick about this situation before my dream turned into a nightmare.


Now BFF was dating one of our friends that stayed in the old apartments with us. During this whole time we had moved into some new apartments. It was me,country girl as roommates and Chatt-town's old roommate who we will call Kelly Price. Kelly Price was not a lesbian but she wa dating BFF. BFF has a way of turning straight girls gay. To This day she hasn't really dated a girl who started out lesbian except for 1. And that was before we met. I think she likes the thrill of the chase lol. Anyway we were kicking it at Kelly Price's apartment one night all five of us. BFF had ,had me over there like the last three weeks doing improvements to the apartment. Staining desk and everything!!! She is such a good man hahahahaha. Anyway 34 and country-girl were out on the balcony talking cus 34 wanted to smoke a black and mild. I went out bout 30 minutes later to ask 34 what she wanted to eat and she told me that they had kissed again!!!! I was like ,are you serious??!!??


So we went to Fazzolie's It is like this Italian restaurant that does take out and to go orders. So we were in the parking lot playing around and 34 said something and the next thing we know Country-Girl got mad and hauled off and hit her. Now 34 doesn't date black girls for this reason alone. From that point on 34 was on a mission to get rid of Country-Girl and quick.... Great that works for me..........