KickBall,Beautiful Weather and B-days Part II

I got two random kisses which weren't bad lol. None of which from Carmen though. Oh well. I think we are better off as friends anyway. Not that I wouldn't want to smack it up flip it and rub it down. But I also don't want to deal with the other side of things that comes with that. Sex changes things and not always for the better. I would rather keep it simple and not have to worry. We have built a very good relationship and unlike all the other lesbian friends that I have had that have crashed and burned I would like to keep this one intact. I am going to take her out for dinner cus I promised it a long time ago once I got my job I would. So I have to keep that promise. But it won’t be on that level. Well after a evening of hunch punch, video making(the things i do with my camera) and gay boys doing everything under the sun, it was time to go home. Now I don't know if I ever mentioned it but me and Country D do actually still live together. It has been interesting to say the least, but not something I am ready to let go of. And neither is my head between her legs. As to where I ended my night. It was actually some of the best sex we have ever had. Not the best but it was a top 5 performance. All night long I couldn't help but notice how her titties looked in her dress. Hell for that matter everyone noticed.....She had put some baby oil on, so every time they hit a light they got more and more noticeable and I noticed with big eyes and hands that wanted to wrap them up like a subway sandwich.


When we got home I knew she was gone on the hunch punch. So she always gets extra aroused when she has been drinking. She wasn’t drunk but she was tipsy. She still knew everything she was doing. I was standing in her room watching her get out of her dress and in to her shorts. She didn’t put a shirt on. She knew what she was doing. She got into the bed and I followed to the side of it. As she layed there we continued to talk about the night. And as she talked my hand began to cup her breasts. My hand went from her breasts down to her stomach where I began to place small kisses all over. I took one breasts and engulfed it with my lips and tongue. She was wet by now and I began to make small circles around her navel and then I went further south. She wrapped her legs around me and I could hear and feel her moans with every touch. She asked me “did I still like it” and I said “ always”. Iw as going back and forth, left and right up and down. You would have thought I was sucking on a snow cone I was so into it. I love when I woman puts her hands on my head and tells me what she wants me to do. It turns me on so much. She had one of the best climax’s I had ever gotten out of her. I even bit and kissed her booty, as she giggled lol. Afterwards she said she had a lot of sexual tension built up. Don’t we all I was thinking. I kissed her goodnight and went into my room. We didn’t get into it again because she had to wake up early for work. I texted Carmen to make sure she had made it home ok and she did. She told me she had a great time and that she was going out with a friend on Saturday to have a fun filled day all over again. And I ended my night like I have been doing a lot lately, holding on to my pillow and my tiggie……. Sound asleep alone.


I was going to put up a few pics but until I can black out the faces I can’t do that lol.

KickBall,Beautiful Weather and B-days

Friday was definitely a good Friday. It is always nice to literally have time to stop and smell the flowers and that is what i am doing this weekend. no work , no extras just enjoying life. I went to my old campus yesterday and watched the deltas play kickball. It is amazing how something we once did as small children could still be fun now. It is nice in our still young lives to have a little fun. Having fun and smiling keeps you young. I remembered all the little moments during my college life. Those smiles and laughs that are still so fresh in my mind It made me smile again. Later on had dinner for my bff's birthday. Her boo did a great job of getting everyone together. I even got to spend some much needed time with my Carmen Sandiego. She has such a great personality. And she is sexy as hell. Not that I have ever tried anything but hell I am not blind either lol. We don't get to talk as much now as we once did because I am working now. So we did some catching up and just some overall chatting. There was a couple sitting across from us. This woman I will call tall trees and her stud I will call Jordan. Now tall trees for the last couple of weeks has been throwing hints that her relationship was not there anymore with Jordan.


But as I looked across the table she was wearing an engagement ring hhhhmmmm. Now just last week you were getting upset with me because we couldn't spend any time together. But all of a sudden now you are boo'd up for real. I hate when people try to bring me into their mess that I don't even know anything about. Glad I never answered that text back. Then we had the gay softball team. Which is always a blast. Gay boys and hunch punch is a party waiting to happen at any time lol. Now when we first got to the restaurant of course we had to clown because they messed up our seating. The manager tried to make everything right and they semi did. But instead of us all sitting at one big table we ended up in one big area at 2 different tables. Of course all the white people at one and the black people at one. Coincidence I think not. Now my bff's boo is white cus chocolate just don't work for her lol, and she and her mom(who i was surprised came) was at the table with us. Now my ex Country D was on one side of me and Carmen on the other. I felt at times that I was having to make sure my left and right side were both happy. Oh if I only knew what was to come later lol.


Of course we went back to bff's apartment for the after party. Now our other friend lips said that she wasn't going to be able to come. And of course this had all of us mad as hell cus we went to Atlanta for her and spent the night in the club with the "mullet" people. But she did show up in her surprise fashion. No one knew she was coming except for bff's boo. It was quite a surprise and made my bff happy. Then the party began. Next thing I know I see men flipping each other in the middle of the floor,kissing and slobbing each other down. (we no longer have to imagine what they do in their bedroom). I got not one but two lap dances. Good night for me. And I saw my ex Country D,try to make a move on Carmen, what the hell? We were all sitting on the couch and she asked Carmen to sit on her lap. She was making these faces behind her back like yea she working with something and damn she sexy. I was like this can't be happening again? The things people do once they get a little liquor in their system. Now Country D still proclaims that she is not a lesbian or bi,but as the years go by,her openness to the whole thing gets more and more intense. I think it is time to take off the shackles that bind us and let loose lol.


Part II coming.......

The Signs

I got this from Alix.....

I have really been thinking about the time that I wasted in the game of love with women. Did I really know before 5 years ago?Did I just hide it because it wasn't right? Parts of me say that I just never had time to notice,and other parts say that I did and just didn't know what to do with it. Honestly in my group of friends we never talked about being gay or people being gay. There were some guys that acted girly at my schools but no one ever really talked about it. I didn't go to one of those schools were people were talked about all the time. Lucky me I guess. I mean you had your hoes and your outcast but it wasn't news to them at how they were thought about. With my mom,grandpa and great aunt all dying while I was in school,I focused on so much in my head that a lot of times my own personal thoughts about my feelings were pushed to the side.

But I think the love of women was always there. I just never really paid attention because I always had boyfriends. Great boyfriends and I loved the sex. I think? I think now looking back that I just love sex. I don't think it would have matttered who it was coming from man or woman. I am just a freak who likes sex.

Clue 1:

Catch a girl Get a girl:all the girls would run with me because they knew I would protect them(just like a good lil stud). They all hugged on me and always wanted to be around me. And I loved the attention.

Clue 2: I always gave the best hugs and have been told that my whole life. Girls always found comfort in me. I hug like no other.

Clue 3: When in high school,I was the polo queen. Fresh to death. But never in a dress. I had the cutest friends and always had a good "team". Wonder why I am so picky dating now lol. All the guys always wanted my friends and got mad that I wouldn't give them up. never that lol.

Clue 4: LowRider magazine.-I read this when I was younger. Was really obsessed during Junior High. Women and cars. Was I really looking at the cars like I told myself I was? I would look at them for hours in their bikini's wondering what was behind them. So much time I wasted.

Clue 5:My dad's playboys. I would hide in the bathroom and read them. he kept them out in clear view where anyone could see them. It was no surprise. My parents were freaky and I still feel I get a lot of that from them. Ruined me lol.

Clue 6: Band Trips: We would have to change clothes and I would never rush to get into mine. I would look at how every girls body was shaped. The different colors of brown and ligh skin. How beautiful they all were in their own way.

Clue 7: The bff who never knew: twice my best-friend got naked in front of me. one time in high school and one time our freshman year of college. in high school,i never forgot her perky her breasts looked and how i felt they would taste in my mouth. i went to my boyfriends house after that to erase the thought from my mind. then freshman year we were in our room playing strip poker with two guys. of course i won. it came down to me and her. she nothing left on but a bra. she asked me"are u really going to make me take it off?" and for the first time I felt power over a woman and I said "yes" she handed it to me and put it on top of my head. she stood n front of me and i wanted to take her then and there. the boys were still there but i don't think either of us was paying attention at that point.

i never did anything with her.

Clue 8 my first experience: The person I came out to,the person I first kissed the first girl I did everything with. We are and will always be best-friends. But the first time I went down on her, I was not scared and I made her cum. She constantly told me how it could not have been my first time. It made me think...maybe I was made to do this............

It was probably so much more but I can't remember everything lol. But I have grown to love women in so many ways. When I came out to my big sister she told me that she always felt like I liked women. And was not surprised when I told her. She also told me that our other sister had a girlfriend. Now I had came out to this sister to. I wonder what made her not tell me? I can't judge you if I told you first? And I have never been judgemental of anything she has done. Oh well. Most of my friends also was not surprised except for one. We have pretty much been friends since the womb. Part of me feels like she was just upset because she never thought that of me, and she should know everything. Or maybe she was mad cus I didn't tell her first. I am very good at knowing my friends and I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it.

I love me now and the fact that I am free from my thoughts. I just wish I had started earlier.



Extra tidbit: I have been in love with Nia Long since fresh prince of bell air lol.

So I looked thru your phone

I have a friend who started to get her womanly intuition last week. Her girl usually lets her go thru her phone no problem there. She has nothing to hide right. So one day the gf goes into the shower and my friend Lil Bit, looks thru the phone. She finds texts that don't seem to be to innocent. She doesn't say anything to the gf at that point but she does remember what they say for future use. So another day they are sitting chilling and the gf leaves her phone out again. This time there are texts from a number that aren't saved and she has responded back to the texts. "i want to do bad things to you in person just not over the phone". So of course Lil Bit is angry as hell at this point but she still doesn't say anything. She plans to get her gf drunk so she can get the full truth. Her gf is known to lie to her face several times before ,so she feels the only way to get the truth is to fill her with spirits. She called me Sunday to tell me this plan and it would go into effect that night. Now all the while she is planning this I am thinking to myself. You kissed me and we made out for hours but she doesn't know anything about that... Secrets,secrets,and more secrets. Did I feel like we were doing anything wrong when we did it?Honestly no and I would do it all over again. I actually tried to get her to come over again,but we will discuss that later.



So I didn't hear back from her Sunday night so I assumed that the talk went on as planned. I texted her Monday after work and asked was everything OK,she called me. "hell no" is what she said. The gf basically tried to lie to her face but once she could recite the texts word for word,that didn't go over to well. We didn't get to finish our convo but from the sounds of it ,she is mad. But will she leave the gf of course not. Lil Bit doesn' want to give up the financial backing that the gf gives her. I think it would take for her to walk in on another girl or man(which the gf swears she doesn't mess with). For her to kick her to the curb. Later on when I didn't hear back from her, I offered a relaxing massage and some other things. She went along with the text but of course she didn't come over. It is a cat and mouse game for me. I just want to conquer a conquest I have had my mind on for awhile. No strings attached. The one night we were together she was happy and had a smile on her face. Something I don't think with her gf she does enough of. She said that certain things had gotten better but now all of this has happened. She said if gf really pushes her to the edge she will never date another girl.
hhhmmmmm never say never..............

If I Could Go Back

I woke up in the morning. This morning and did my usual thought process then I checked my cell and all of that went out of the window. I missed some texts ,and not just any texts but those u should come over texts. Now if you can't tell by now on my blogs I am a freak . A really big freak. And missing a text that includes a shower and lotion makes my temperature rise in more ways than one. Maybe I can get a second chance. I was sleep for good reason. I have to wake up early,mad early for work. I need my job more than I need sex but can't I have both? Maybe it was a good thing I missed that text. Although it would have been fun I would not be up typing this message right now. I would cussing at the fact that I am sleepy as hell. New work training and being tired don't mix at all. But damn a little affection would be nice right about now. To think of caressing a body up and down reaching every curve and every touch of skin I can. Making her as wet as she was in the shower as I move my tongue up and down her body. Hearing her moan as I go down to ....*sigh* I want it,I need it. Man this is going to be a long day.....

What Is It Really?

Have you ever felt like nothing could go right with someone except for the great sex? I guess when it comes to being a stud im great because well I love to give head.But it can't be just anybody. I am not one of those women who can just have sex with anyone. Country D has this hold on me. I can't get enough of her sweet pussy.

I crave it like food. It seems like it calls my name when she walks into a room. Maybe I just like sex to much. And it's really just the sex I crave. Even though we have been broke up for some months now and even though she cheated. Im still attracted.Even when I meet someone new it is still not that same feeling. I can kiss someone and I don't get any of the same feelings. It is so hard to let go. Maybe I need to try to take a honest break from sex.But I have to be honest I love it so much. That interacting between two people. After you have had sex with someone for years can u honestly do it and not have feelings? I don't think it is possible. Maybe it is.

I am really not into the person that Country D has become but I am interested in the sex. She doesn't want me to touch her at all sometimes but then when it comes to just taking the pussy and giving her pleasure it seems to be no problem no there. I must be doing something right. But what rode will this lead us down? She is into a another guy and girl right now. Go figure. I don't think she really cares about the guy though. I really believe she is starting to find herself in the gay world. Her attraction to women is not something she can hide anymore. It is not something she tries to avoid. She says that before me and her got together she had never had feelings for a woman. I don't know if I believe that anymore. She still to my knowledge has not told anyone close to her like her old friends and family. One of her best friends is bi . I thought she would at least tell her considering she would understand more than anybody.

One of her cousins found out on accident. We ended up being at a part together and Country D kissed LIPS in front of her. I was in shock. In the past she would never have done anything like that in front of her. Even though her cousin is very out and very much a stud. It was just interesting to me because she still does not see herself as being gay or bi. She says she just likes who she likes. I'm not saying she has to put a title on herself but she does need to do some soul searching. It is crazy and it continues to get crazier as the days go on.

Drama but Not really

Well the party was last night(i.e. Saturday night,took me a min to finish this)...I ended up having to Dj so let's just say i couldn't walk around and mix and mingle. That can be a good thing. I was able to see everyone that came in. When we first arrived I saw E. E has always been a crush of mine since the first time I have seen her. Well this past week she erased me from her myspace. I didn't notice till right before the party. have we spoken?no So why was it that she erased me? I still have no clear. So when I entered the party I spoke to everyone and well she didn't speak. So I went into the other room to setup. It was only a few people at first and then people began to show up. I didn't know a lot of them and from the way they started to act when they started drinking that was a good thing. This one girl came with E,we will call her DST.


me and DST talk a lot and we are really cool. She is what I call a tomboi type. She just recently came out to me and a few others. Every time she goes somewhere she is always looking for someone new.I guess that's the fresh out the box thing. She was chillin with me and BFF. I got a text and my friend was outside parking her car. She wanted me to come get her. We will call her Jetta. Jetta is very nice, and beautiful and well I am a sucker for a big butt and a smile. We kind of fell into the friend trap. I think we are a little to deep to swim out of. I felt like I was going to have to protect a pot of gold when we walked in. Needless to say she was the cutest girl there and well I couldn't stop anybody from talking to her. I think in away I got jealous without even realizing it.


Now Country Dwas also there. Tell you it never gets easier having an ex as a friend. Anyway when she gets to drinking it turns into a whole new ball game wherever we go. She is liable to do anything and say anything. It is something that the crew has to watch very closely. But to the drama at hand.


So the girl that I had a one night 'fling" with came in with her girlfriend. This was probably one of the most awkward moments I have ever had in my life.Spoke to everyone around me and waved to me, no hug. Guess that would have been to obvious. Everybody that came with me spoke to her girlfriend. We neither spoke or looked at each other. It was like she knew who I was without knowing me. After some mingling the girlfriend ended up sitting on my left on the love seat with me playing with one of our friends dogs. i didn't even look in her direction. My 'fling" asked for the dog and as I gave it to her she caressed my hand. it was a moment of damn I wish I could have more and a moment of..are you trying to get me killed! It was over as quick as it started as they made a exit early. I was relieved to see them go.


As we ended the night I walked Jetta to her car. We talked about the people she had met and got hit on by. She didn't pay them to much attention. She was with me most of the night,which felt good. Made me feel like at least for awhile,that I was wanted. I opened her car door and accidentally touched her booty. side-note:she has one of the biggest asses I have ever seen! Anyway it was a nice feeling. Then she gave me a hug,a very good hug. I wanted to kiss her but I didn't.(man i have got to learn to be more aggressive).


I think the night for me was just full of emotions. i watched roommate make out with girls and get lap dances and everything. A part of me wanted to snatch her ass up. But of course I couldn't she is the ex. I don't like to see her do things that she shouldn't. Guess that is me trying to be a friend. Me and "fling made faces at each other while she was there. But it has been made known unless she becomes a single woman I can't or say I won't do anything else. (Lord give me strength cus she is so fine). The girl that threw the party has a way of knowing everyone and trying to bring them together for her good but not understanding that everyone can't hang with everyone. The night was filled with so many clicks and people not talking to each other. It seemed at times that all I did was play music,talk to bff and dst. Which honestly was just fine by me......

So tonight is the night

*sigh* being from TN it is easy to get caught up in drama because everyone knows everyone. It is almost impossible especially in the LGBT world to date or talk to someone that hasn't slept with or dated someone that you know. So I am going to a house party tonight where ,I will either get paid no attention by ex's or to much. I am hoping to just sit there and be able to Dj. With no issues and no problems. But for some odd reason I feel a really interesting early morning blog is going to present itself. I am going to have a friend with me. We aren't romantically involved even though she is really cute. We are just really good friends so it will be nice to have the moral support there with me. The most recent ex is coming which is the person that caused a lot of the drama with the other people. It seems as if I might be looking into it to much but then again drama and a lot of drinking is never good. Time will tell.. I am off to get ready....

Back Like I Never Left

Ok so I had to take a break...Life was catching up to me. I was getting sidetracked and had to pull the train back. But i am back now and ready to get the party back started. It has been an interesting two weeks. I have fallen,fallen for a fruit that I cannot touch. I never thought I would fall for someone that was with someone else. She is so wonderful and I am so attracted to her but she has someone. Someone that doesn't treat her bad but doesn't give her everything she needs either. I wonder why when we get comfortable we let somethings slide ,just because it seems like the right thing to do. Why break up a relationship when they support you,and haven't cheated or done anything wrong?I think that sometimes in a relationship intimacy and romance are overlooked. I think being able to feel beautiful whenever your boo is around is important. To feel that feeling of someone always wanting to be with you and love you unconditionally. Treat you like a queen and make love to you like no other. The making love is big for me,I don't know about anyone else lol.


Anyway back to the story. So I have a friend we will call her ATL. ATL and I went to college together but did not get really close till after we graduated. We both found out that we liked women. Surprise for both of us I believe. Well I have always thought she was cute,beautiful. She has always peeked my interest. Well once we started talking both of us were involved so there was nothing to be done. I always thought something was there but we were both focused on other people so chatting on the phone and texting was all we did. This went on for over 2 years,leading up to the past 2 weeks. I texted her one day just to see how she and her baby were doing. *yes during this time she did have a child*. I had went to her baby shower last year but had not seen the baby yet. i told her I needed to visit and she said I could come visit her on Saturday. I was like cool. Well I was extra excited about this. So we continued to chat and talk for the rest of the week. Now this week more than usual the flirting was at a high. It intrigued me very much but I tried not to look to much into it.


I went to her crib,real nice place. The baby was not there but it gave us time to sit and talk face to face. Well during this talk is when I found out she lived with her girlfriend. Big surprise to me.Not once had she let in the past months or so that she was still involved. Well needless to say the distance on the couch got a little bit bigger but I was still intrigued. When I left her crib we were in the parking lot and we hugged. It felt so good,so warm. I didn't want to let her go and she didn't let me go. It felt so right and would have been a great time to kiss but oh yea....she has a girlfriend. Well We chatted the next week and texted. Nothing major. I found out that she use to work with my BFF's girlfriend so there was definite chance for kicking it as a group because she was comfortable with them. Also found out that her girlfriend knew BFF...perfect chance to get some inside info. Anyway the week goes along and on Saturday we make plans for dinner for Sunday. So I was excited about seeing her again. Well later that night she texts me and says she wanted to come by...I'm like cool no prob. *I was suppose to go to work at 4 AM needless to say I didn't go*. Now with her coming over I hoped that roommate would be sleep. Yes I still live with my ex and well I get nervous about bringing people over sometimes.


Well she came over and I could kind of tell it was one of those I just needed to get away from her visits. And i was happy about that. We sat and talked about what she wanted and what she needed and wasn't being given. We talked about music and just random things that came on the tv. Well during our talks my arm ended up around her. Soon as this happen roommate walked in the room. She didn't say nothing but hi,got her water and went back to her room*whew dodged one there*. So after she went back in her room I asked ATL would she like to take off her jacket to get more comfortable and she did. Well needless to say at this point I was over taken with emotion and as she layed into me,I began to kiss parts of her. Her shoulder ,her neck her lips. And she kissed back. It was a moment I had waited so long for and it felt so right. Her lips were so soft and her body so smooth. I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let go. At one point as we stood and hugged I kind of danced her around. There was no music,just the thumps of our hearts. She asked if being in a relationship with me was like this all the time and I said yes....It was a great ending to a great night.


Now I know all of this was wrong considering she was in a relationship and we haven't done anything since. But I can't get her out of mind. I want her but a part of me feels that if we got into a relationship what if she did the same thing to me. How would that leave me to feel? Feelings and hornyness can get you in a lot of trouble.....

So what am I?

*sigh* ok so this question has come up so much it makes me almost want to take off my shoe and throw it at someone. Ok so in the lesbian world you have all of these titles....femme,stud,soft stud,faggy boi,...and it goes on and on and on. I think there is some kind of math equation or something that determines which side you end up on I don't know. I guess for right now for certain people I will go with soft stud. I do a little bit of both with the wardrobe. I got some men's clothes and I have some women's clothes. I like to be comfortable and that really depends on where I am going. Hmmm I will think about it some more but that is where I am leaning at the moment.(clicks back on downelink to answer some more of these not so interesting messages).

Update 12/23/2008

OK i thought about it some more, i am going to go with soft stud. I am comfortable with women's or men's clothing. I like for my relationship to be balanced if i give i want you to give back. i don't mind getting my eyebrows done and considering i just went with bae to get her nails done,have no problem with that either lol. i love women and women love me. so that is where I am at the moment.

(clicks off computer,going out to a b-day dinner).