textmessaging

ok so i am a text freak...i text more than than the average person. in a month's time i have been know to have sent over 2,000 and received just as many. when i told this to my class this summer they thought i was crazy. When do you have time they asked?well i simply told them that texting is like talking on the phone. i never use any of my minutes. i text. well last night i had an interesting convo going with new new and my baby. needless to say ever since the club new new has put it upon herself to flirt really hard with my baby. i know that my baby would never do anything but it does bother me in a way but i would never let neither of them know this. Texting can also get you in trouble. there are plenty of times that baby has texted someone and pissed me off to the highest degree and the same that i have done to her. but we are on this new road to greatness so i am calming my end down. i don't look at her phone so i don't really know what she does but i trust that she is doing what she is suppose to be doing. with no trust there is no relationship right? wonderful wonderful. so it is starting to get quite nippy which is going to cause me to have to get extra creative in what i do. i have to get the mind to rolling. I am excited that it is almost time for our trip to the ATL. I get to see my other bff we will call her G. Me and G are like i guess in lame terms like two peas in a pod. I miss having her around ,she was a constant in my life. We enjoy a lot of the same things,guess thats why we are bff's lol.She is one of the few people that even know about this blog. Simply because I trust her. I trust her to love me no matter what,and me the same with her. And of course she is one of those people that aI text all the time lol. Like today and hers be so random lol but i love her.I guess that is it for now....just a lil on my mind. Ill be back for more.

Going Away,the CAB, and my girl got a girlfriend

Wow...I am getting old or shall i say that my body can't keep up with my activities like it use to. I had a lot going on this weekend,starting with Friday night. I don't club much and all of my friends know this. Well "new new" was performing at this gay club and well a long time ago i told her i would at least come see her perform once . So i figured this was better time as any to get this over with so i wouldn't have to come out to the club again lol. So i went and of course nobody was there but she did perform and I must admit had me wet at the sight of her. When she moves her body all I can think about is how she tasted that night......(wow did I just write that????). Anyway, she is so sexy to me and I must admit I have not been that attracted to someone in a very long time. We didn't really spend a lot of time together maybe an hour. I did kiss her twice but nothing to over the top. I met her play sister who is cute in her own right and is very very funny. She seems like cool peeps. Well of course Saturday is a way busier day and well I got talked into coming back by new new and sister. (They ganged up on me ) and of course new new told me to bring "my baby" with me.


Which rolls me into my Saturday. First of all my team lost......I want say who they are in college football but our season is OVER.....we couldn't recover from this start even if we won every single game for the rest of the season which from the looks of it will not happen . Other than that football was good. My job was suppose to go skating Saturday night as a team builder but of course everybody backed out at the last minute so me and "my baby" headed to nashville to go to brown skin's going away party. Now on to the story of brown skin......me and brownskin have not talked to each other since probably February right before my birthday. She has a blog as well and she is a very good writer. She does not hold back any of her feelings which was the case in one blog she wrote about me. and well lets just say i took ti to heart and didn't appreciate her opinion. We had our talk about it like grown women and well moved on. Moved on to silence and speaking to each other in public but not speaking.

Of course her and my baby were still close I just stayed at home whenever they went out or made it a point to always have company whenever she was coming over. Anyway...the party was cool it was in this place in Nashville we had never been to and they had like sushi food which i hate and of course i did not eat what i ordered. And well I was kind of sitting there in silence most of the night. One of her friends reach out to talk to me but that was only for a second. My night did not pick up till I saw one of my fav NUPE's. He has to be my fav well because eh is the only one I've ever slept with lol. And it wasn't to bad lol. Anyway he was there at the restaurant as well celebrating his frat's birthday. And of course e.Steve and the rest of the gang was there. It was nice ,me and my baby were out there talking to them for a good minute i guess to get away from the "party". While we were talking me Matt and the baby lol decided we would go to Howard's Home coming in D.C. as long as everybody could get off. I am so excited hopefully I can get good news when I go to work about it.

Anyway so we left there and headed back to the CAB. Well needless to say I was nervous. This was my first time being around new new and my baby in a setting where it didn't really matter what we did. But it turned out good. My baby even got put in a sandwich between new new and her sister lol. However my baby was drinking quite a bit, i assume to deal with how i was acting toward new new. I didn't really touch her a t all but if you know me my eyes speak a million words and i am sure that my eyes said it all that night especially when new new did her "splits " during her show. I was like oh my goodness!!!!! But i was on good behavior and by baby side most of the night. Having two girls is expensive by the way lol. Well after we left of course I had to do some very major making up which got interrupted by a call from new new who had went to another club and her car window had got busted in.

She was very upset and of course she doesn't have money right now(so she says) so i offered to help her and when she starts her new job her pay check is mine lol. So ...that was the end of my weekend because on Sunday not only did we over sleep and miss church(for the second week) I ended up being sick.....all day!. No fun for me at all.....

We will see how this week goes....later days!!!!

Fussing and Fighting.....

What does my heart want to do??I know what other parts of me want to do....and that's get all they can get. But I know I can't do that,not when other people's feelings are involved. I know where I want to be but it is not as easy as it use to be. Bad timing can cause major problems and not that it is any one person's fault but the tears that are coming down my face I can't keep dealing with anymore. And to top it off all those Lil birdies that I am trying not to hear are getting louder and louder. Oh what am i suppose to do!!!!. Ia m to old to be dealing with this drama. And to top it off it is my day off and i don't think i will be bale to enjoy it how i want to which sucks. Sometimes I wish i could just get away from everybody for like 24 hours and not have to talk to anyone. That would be great!!! Oh well the only good thing so far today is the fact that i am going to the dentist. I like going to the dentist because I like having good teeth. Yellow ugly teeth are not attractive. I want my mouth to look wonderful. Hope you all have a blessed day i am sure i will be back for more!

It is my decision...not yours....

Hello World.....As i sit here watching another lame episode of Wilden out not wanting to go to work tomorrow my mind is racing. I have some very close friends in my life....that well always want what is best for me. Sometimes though they try to talk me into decisions that well they want and not necessarily what i want. I don't think a decision will mean much if it is not something that you come up with on your own.

Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. you should never let other people make decisions for you. Most of my friends because of past experience think that the decision that I made was not the best. The past is the past and if I can't move forward from that it will never work anyway. They just want me to be happy i know but it makes me feel like they don't really respect the decision I have made.

Like for instance my best friend. Everybody that is close to me has known fro awhile that i have been dating a girl and most know who the girl is. She was the one I didn't want to tell simply because I knew what her reaction was going to be. And sure enough she had that reaction. It made me realize that i did know her as much as i thought i did. And it kind of disappointed me because I just want her to be happy for me that I am happy and living the life that I want to live. I would never shun her or turn my back on her just because of who she is sleeping with. I don't to much care for the dude that she is dating but that is who she wants and I am happy for her as long as she is happy. I think he can be over controlling sometimes but oh well.

I guess it is taking some adjustment to get to the life that I want. I am kind of in my own little bubble at the moment and just trying to make myself happy. It gets hard sometimes but I know i can do it. I do have my Friends that I know that nobody what i do as long as i am not bringing harm to myself will Love me regardless.. and i love them for that. Friends how many of us have them!!

The Decision Part II

Ok..... i am back. well in my previous blog I was discussing my love life and what has been going on. Well on to the present. Everything is going well with the person that I have chosen. She is doing all of the right things and saying all of the right things. She holds such a special place in my heart and I never want to hurt her. But at times I still feel like it isn't going to work. Not because of what has happened in the past because for once I have put that behind me. But for what is happening in the present. As I was laying in her arms she texted someone else and said that she wish she could be holding them at that moment. I was like WOW!

It makes me feel like nothing is going to be different but at the same time I am still talking to the other choice. Not as much as I was and definitely not on the same level but we still talk. This is such a delicate situation where so many people can get hurt . My best friend keeps telling me that a decision and a firm decision had to be made to make it easier but It hasn't made it easier at all. I feel like I am pitted against a wall and there is no way out. Time is going to be the only factor to make this better. Maybe the lord has a plan for me that I do not know of as yet. Lord please give me an answer before I pull my hair out!!!!

Where I want to BE....

When I was in high school Donell Jones came out with a album called where I want to be. Not until now did i really get what he was talking about. I have been trying,key word trying to be in a relationship with a particular person for over two years now. It has so many ups and downs I feel like I have been on a roller coaster with no seat belt. Well about 3 months ago I got tired and fed up. So i finally started dating other people. The first couple of people didn't work out to well but this last one had everything I could want and more but the timing of us meeting was terrible.....

She came into my life for a reason. Maybe it was to give me just a lil happiness or jump start my relationship with the other person I don't know. But she has had a profound affect on my life in a very short time. She is a person I could really see myself with for a long time. But the timing was terrible.

Well basically the person that I have had all the ups and downs with has come of age in a way. They finally could tell me how they truly felt about me and finally want to make a REAL attempt at US. But of course this was after me and the new girl met. *sigh* So you see where the problems came into play. Do i go with the new unknown or do I stay with what I know to at least give ti a fair chance that it has never really had.....

I went with the second choice. Me and new new as I call her will still be friends but I know that our relationship is going to change and that saddens me. I do love roller coaster with all my heart and I didn't want anyone in this to get hurt.

Ultimately I had to make a decision and right now I made the decision that I thought was best. I got out of it with new new before any major feelings came. We do like each other a lot and I know she wanted to work to make ti grow but this was not the time.....not our season. Me and roller coaster have been so close lately and I don't want to pass up on a good thing. I can truly start and end my life with her...point blank.

Life and love is cruel sometimes......I have been caught in this game for so long it is starting to get the best of me. But without love there is no life so you have to take the good with the bad.....

I have a great friend and a great girl...so I really don't have anything to complain about =).

So Much Going On

It has been a very eventful summer or your girl.....

Good news first.....
I finally received my master's!!! It took a lot of hard work,missing work and extra credit but I successfully completed my program. And might I add with a 3.3 GPA which I am very proud of because it is waaaayyyy better than my undergrad degree. I knew I could be a good student it just took some getting use to i guess.

Bad news....
I haven't seen any of my family and a lot has been going on so I have heard. The one time I got to go home this summer , I did not see anyone because they were all out of town. That hurt because I knew that would probably be the only time I got to come home. So i am a little sad on that note.

My dad and my uncle have been sick. I really feel like I am not getting the full story but only time will tell.

Otherwise on a brighter note I am on the job hunt. At 25 I think i finally know what I want out of a job but not necessarily what type of job I want. Strange I know coming from someone that has a master's but this world is full of opportunity and I just want to pick a job that is going to be fun and something I actually want to do.

On a brighter note I finally got to not be the bookkeeper at work which has made me a much happier person. I am no just over leasing which can have it's stress to but no where near the level that It was in bookkeeper. People get really really upset about their money which I can understand but if you did something wrong please don't take it out on me!!!

OK on to the next blog....lol

i got a lot to say

see what happens when you don't blog on the regular. well i am in summer school right now. and it is killing me! it's only killing me because i have to 40 hours on top of it. thank the lord i don't have a family and other major responsibilities to take care of .....i don't know how the other people in my class do it. but anyway if i pass all three of my classes ,and pass my comp tests......master's degree here i come!!!. it's a great feeling.....and i know that my mom will be ever so proud to look down from heaven and see my cross the stage again. maybe ill carry her with me again(my first college graduation i took a picture frame with her pictures in it across the stage with me). only time will tell. and on a side note my air is out in my apartment and i am about to fall out!!!!!


24 hour maintenance my ass!!!!!

goodnight world!!!

growing and learning

i have a best friend. we just recently got cool. we are going into a year of being around each other and i must admit they put a smile on my face that has never been there before. someone close to me recently told me that they could tell i had feelings even though i didn't want to admit it.


and well after careful reevaluation......yes yes i do. i constantly tell this person it is not like that. but me and them both know that it is there. i don't know if it is mutual in anyway but for me it is there. we have been thru a lot and i think i have made a good impression so far. it is so hard to find someone in your life sometimes that you can be just yourself around.

i don't have to pretend to be something that i am not and i can share anything with this person.(and not to mention the flirting is so much fun!!!) i want to go a step further,just a little step but i don't know if that will ever happen. this person has grown a lot since i have known them and well they make me proud. they get along with all my friends and we can genuinely have fun together doing some of the craziest things.

its crazy having feelings and not being able to tell the person ......maybe one day ill be totally open but until then ill be putting my fingers to the keys writing and typing of love.......

perfectly imperfect

OK so i have had yet to really get deep in my new blog. this isn't my first blog. i had one before this but i decided to erase it from every one's mind and start a new. some people that knew about the other i didn't want to bring back into my blog world. my blog is kind of like my secret getaway. no one knows me here unless i bring them here.

so on to my subject at hand.....my little secret.

there is something about me only a hand full of people know. some think they know but they have never came out and asked me bout it. but i have been in love in the past couple of years and not with whom you may think. it was a .... if you are smart you will put the context clues together. it was serious i must admit and it was for me a eye- opening experience. i learned a lot about myself. one thing a person close to me called was well....."a sucker". and i am a sucker,sucker for love.

i love hard. my feelings come first and then i think. which well gets you in a lot of trouble. i wouldn't change anything about the past two and half years. it was a learning experience and i am ready to still grown more from it and hopefully gain more than i ever thought i could. here is to letting go and letting whatever happens ....happen