Breaking UP..........

My nights are starting to get as interesting as my days. Last night C dub decided to lay a bit of new information on me....she kissed her ex. Not just any ex though,the Love of her life. She still has feelings for him and anyone close to her knows that because well she tries to hide it but it doesn't work. Anytime he texts her or comes by her job she gets so overjoyed with happiness,and well to someone who was trying to be with her it is a low blow. It is difficult to date someone and never feel like you have all of them. Anyway back to the kiss....now kissing him was not the issues,the issue is that he is married. Yea I said it MARRIED. Now of course in a kiss there are two parts to it so I hold him accountable for his lion share of it as well. But I know she knew better. She says that she wanted to tell me because we weren't hiding anything from each other anymore and well I was happy that she told me,but at the same time after we had gotten into a fight about things it maybe wasn't the best time to tell me.

And of course I had already asked if it had went down and she had told me no. So yet again I got lied to and what after the fact at that. I asked when I was playful about it so I wouldn't get mad. But then I thought about it,why get mad?I don't have any control over that aspect of her life anyway. And so be it it seems I never will be a part of it again,because well I have learned somethings:
1. Once someone uses you they are going to continue to do so if you you let them.
2. Once a liar typically always a liar.
3. Relationships are what you make them. Having one side work and the other work will never allow the relationship to grow.
4. People seldom will treat you how you treat them.
5. Being the good guy does not always put you out on top.

There I said it. In the situations I have been dealing with lately , has made me change,I don't know if it will be for the better but I am changing......

just thinking

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Many times in life we try our best to please people. We do for them and we give give give. For some people it will never be enough. For others they will never forget it. But when you really care for someone and you show that to them it will make all the difference in the world. When I love I love hard. That goes for family,friends and relationships. I don;t take feelings for granted. When I want a relationship and I like you.....I really do like you. There are so many reasons and at times I can't say how I feel.

Like for instance with new new.....We don't talk like we use to ,for obvious reasons. But I really did like this girl. She made me smile when I was having a bad day just with the smallest text. I would be so excited to see her just to feel her touch,feel her lips. i use to dream about touching her lips. Sometimes she pushes my buttons and makes me feel like a cake boy....she does. But I care and I know she wouldn't ask if she didn't really need it. It's weird sometimes to know that she is going thru what I went thru at such a young age and I feel for her. I want her situation to have a better outcome then mine did and I pray for it daily for her. I want to show her the world but I can't. She won't let me....or should I say feelings won't let her. Or maybe in my small world I think that it was something there when it wasn't...I don't know ...all I know is my mind has been with her the last couple of months and it is hard to break. I try to play the cool role around her but the feelings are to strong sometimes. I get so dejected when I don't hear from her and well at the same time I don't want to be the one to do all the texting cus well....I don't want to seem like a lil sad puppy. But I hope and wish that she knows my feelings are real.

Yea I made a bad choice in the situation but at the same time I was pushed into it. The past is the past and sometimes letting the past linger in your future stops you from growing. A life lesson I am all to familiar with now. Feelings are a motherfucker and so is Love. So with all this being said I hope new new remembers how I made her feel. I hope that I made her feel good and like a princess. I tried my best with the inches that she gave me. And if I had to do it all over again I would. Life is about chances and she was my first chance. I glanced across the room and I wanted her to be mine. I couldn't see anybody else in the room when she was there. It was just me and her....I was told I would like her and well....my bf is never wrong in these things. But I know that I missed out on my angel........

Where I want to BE....

When I was in high school Donell Jones came out with a album called where I want to be. Not until now did i really get what he was talking about. I have been trying,key word trying to be in a relationship with a particular person for over two years now. It has so many ups and downs I feel like I have been on a roller coaster with no seat belt. Well about 3 months ago I got tired and fed up. So i finally started dating other people. The first couple of people didn't work out to well but this last one had everything I could want and more but the timing of us meeting was terrible.....

She came into my life for a reason. Maybe it was to give me just a lil happiness or jump start my relationship with the other person I don't know. But she has had a profound affect on my life in a very short time. She is a person I could really see myself with for a long time. But the timing was terrible.

Well basically the person that I have had all the ups and downs with has come of age in a way. They finally could tell me how they truly felt about me and finally want to make a REAL attempt at US. But of course this was after me and the new girl met. *sigh* So you see where the problems came into play. Do i go with the new unknown or do I stay with what I know to at least give ti a fair chance that it has never really had.....

I went with the second choice. Me and new new as I call her will still be friends but I know that our relationship is going to change and that saddens me. I do love roller coaster with all my heart and I didn't want anyone in this to get hurt.

Ultimately I had to make a decision and right now I made the decision that I thought was best. I got out of it with new new before any major feelings came. We do like each other a lot and I know she wanted to work to make ti grow but this was not the time.....not our season. Me and roller coaster have been so close lately and I don't want to pass up on a good thing. I can truly start and end my life with her...point blank.

Life and love is cruel sometimes......I have been caught in this game for so long it is starting to get the best of me. But without love there is no life so you have to take the good with the bad.....

I have a great friend and a great girl...so I really don't have anything to complain about =).