On my 2008 ish.....

OK so I am opening up more this year on my blog. Since I'm letting more people see. This is the highway into my mind. Everything that I am thinking. I have been thru a lot in just the first two weeks of this year. Not good but all bad. Well let me not say that but it is definitely not getting off the way that i wanted it to. I tried to talk to someone about something that is owed to me. Why is it so difficult to talk to people who owe you something not something that you owe them. If you don't know by now I lost my job and well I need some funds just to make it thru. I helped a lot of people last year and well it would be nice if they could return the favor. Avoiding the matter doesn't help and well I don't want to push because I don't want to totally move these people out of my life. I feel like I am in corner. *life* I have been looking and looking and looking some more for a job. I have two degrees and it is not helping me in the least to get a job. Everybody says it should be so easy to get a job since i have a Master's degree. Well please let me know where these "easy" jobs are. It is so frustrating and I wish I could hurry up and find something. Bills aren't getting paid and my financial aid payments kick in soon. I need help. Lord help me!!!!

I have so many things going thru my mind and my head I don't know what to do. So many emotions happy,sad,mad,horny,angry,flirty all the above. I wish I could just lay on a beach with the love of my life and not worry about anything. I have been listening to a lot of music. Just taking it in to pour out my emotions into. It is hard to tell people how I hurt. I have always had to be the one to help everybody else and now I really need the help. Emotionally and monetarily. I snap so easily now because I am so mad and frustrated on the inside. I want to hit so many people,just go off and cuss them out but not for good reasons. Others I just want to love me and I wish I could get them to see how important it would be to me right now,just to get that kiss or hug. I would love to go home and just not be in the same place Ive been in for a lil while.

I just want to be. The complexity of my life right now is so out there it is hard for me to keep faith. As I was watching Grey's Anatomy last night(thank god it was finally a new one) I realized how important faith can be. Even during a situation where it still might not bring the outcome you would like you must still keep faith that everything will be OK. It is hard for me to keep faith but I have to. I have to believe that the lord knows what he is doing and I will be OK. I made it thru this month I will make it thru another. I have been in a worse place that I don't want to go back to. I must have faith......